Monday, May 30, 2005

to do weekend shopping

Of course, it's nothing as much as what I used to buy home on a weekly basis, but since I got pregnant, this weekend has been the first shopping trip!

Clothes wise, I got:
1) This beautiful flirty wrap skirt from Bugis Village, courtesy of Nash
2) A beautiful "Mother Earth" green spaghetti strap maternity dress from G+HB at Tan Quee Lan Street (opp Bugis Junction MOS Burger)
3) One pair of 3/4-length fisherman's pants
4) A very warm and soft multi-earth-tones boho shawl

From the Food Expo, we got:
1) 3 packs of Australian nougat
2) 2 cans of salmon mayo and 1 can of seafood mayo
3) 200grams of prawn rolls (the kind people have during CNY)
4) Assorted Glico Pretz snacks

Not to mention we had a feast there, snacking on Chilli Crab, Vegecrisps (my favourite!) and Crispy Chicken. Last day on 30th May, so there's still chance of going there to feed the inner glutton in me.

Saturday night was spent with Jeza, Von, Sam, Fir and hubs at Ahmad's having Turkish-Muslim food sitting on the carpeted roadside. So Arabic feeling... Poor Sam got his hopes dashed cos Ahmad wasn't there... SIGH. Next time, dearie.

I feel a strong urge to own some new Zara clothes...
I'm just waiting for hubs to give me the head nod to go crazy!! Hehe. Why is Zara not having sales??

Sunday, May 29, 2005

ultrasound pics

For those who have been anticipating the ultrasound pics, hubs has post on them with a link to his Flickr pics. Seriously, I still feel that no one will be able to see anything. But go anyway. And stop nagging me about being lazy. I don't even use my laptop often enough these days. I think people are missing my presence on MSN already...

Friday, May 27, 2005

to learn "domestication"

I would have loved to think that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Pity, since there's only one side to my bed. The other side is tightly glued to the wall...

Domestication was the word for today.

Sleeping in until slightly after 2pm, making spiced fries for myself using the ever-so-multi-purpose toaster, watching the free (read *free*) SCV Preview channel that hubs had so kindly adjusted days ago. Domesticated bliss.

Home can be such a sanctuary when no one's running around you trying to piss you off.

Thank God Damien came home without his usual XBox kakis today. He was fortunately well behaved the whole day, being polite and even doing some Maths assessments under my supervision.

Dinner was a simple meal of rice and Japanese Curry consisting of boiled down soft carrots, potatoes and onions. Nothing fabulous, but all of them were pretty satisfied with yet another home-cooked meal by moi. We've been eating takeaways far too often recently.

It is an indescribable feeling being like that all day. No mood swings, quick tempers or tantrums. I think this is what "contentment" should feel like. =)

Poor hubs was expecting more bad tempers from the ever-foul-mood wifey especially when he pouted and sadly announced that he lost the Zippo lighter that I presented him with for our 3rd month wedding anniversary. Poor baby was all distracted at work the whole day cos he was so afraid that I would get the shits. I told him to thank his lucky stars that I'm feeling benevolent today. He just chuckled, glad that he didn't make my day worse.

I cross my fingers and hope that everyday can be like this. I know how bad a day is can simply be based on how foul my temper can get, but sometimes, it really is quite uncontrollable. *SIGH* The woes of pregnancy coupled with depression...

On a lighter note, mrbrown is also expecting his third child to arrive at the end of the year! Maybe my kid and his can become fast friends as they grow!! =) Wishful thinking, maybe.

I'll try to upload some photos of yesterday's bridal photoshoot and the few videos that my bridesmaid, Kristy, shot for us. Ooi, char bor, your shooting angles hor, wah lau, damn artistic sia... All slanted one!!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Love again.

When your partner breaks up with you,
do not presume that it doesn't hurt them to make that decision.
It may be a cruel choice to part ways,
especially if it has been a generally smooth sailing relationship that has been going on for years.

But bear in mind that everyone needs to grow and be nurtured in different ways.
You might have shared a big part of your life with that special someone,
but as time goes by,
it is common that one, or both partners, find that they can no longer "grow" with the other.
This beckons the time to bid each other "adieu"
and to welcome the intimate participation of someone new in your life.
New lessons to be learnt,
yet never to forget the ones from before.

Love is not a game, mind you.
It is an exchange of promises, care, support, trust, honesty,
and every little detail about yourself that would actually mean the world to your other half.

Two entities,
with one life to share.
Through wind and rain
we hold on together strong.
Braving the tides and the currents
our warm hugs shall rekindle flames.

Promises to follow through,
heartaches to ease from kisses.
Let our love burn like an everlasting candle,
sparks eternal, flames aglow.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

this thing called love

A million different perceptions towards love. The supposed almighty four-letter word. L-O-V-E. Damien Rice's "Cold Water" evokes some thoughts of romance, love and relationships...

--- boring post below ---

There's the one who constantly asks "What happened to love?" and seeks some sort of spiritual connection before lust of any sort would even be allowed to set foot into the relationship. The one who patiently awaits the hand of Fate to deliver the love of his life.

There's the one who looks everywhere for his definition of love. That spark that sizzles with the first glance is enough to turn his mind topsy-turvy and screaming for a companionship with him. Imaginations of the sensual, loving kind surface. Heart yearning for a someone to snuggle, share secrets/laughter/joy and to just know will be there.

There's the one who walks away from a 3 year relationship upon request from his partner. The tears fall daily, for this tough guy who's had it rough. The pain that the parting brought. His heart yearns, yet his mind beckons him to stay away. The heartache multiplying with his fear of incompetence.

There's the one who finds her love after years of mistaken pairing. The contented smile that widens on her face after every kiss with her beloved. The glow she radiates in the arms of The One. The road was tough, and it will continue to be, but bear with it, for all is worth it just for that peace, happiness and love you feel. We will all be here for you.

There's the one who vows never to be in a relationship ever again and denied his admirer time and time again, yet at the same time maintaining some form of connection through coffee-talks and giving hope, although uncertain at that point was it false or true.

There's the one who did not believe in love but wanted a happy family of her own. Then when love came knocking, she answered the door, only to be rejected time and time again. The yearning to love no one but him empowers her zero-tolerance and nil-patience. He relents, and they love.

Now comes the time when she strokes her pregnant belly, almost like an hourly ritual, thinking of her man at work. The urge to rush off to his side overpowering. Squabbles and fights ensue from time to time, yet the love for each other is barely scratched by the tussles. It hurts nonetheless, but love remains.

I see those around me, with their fairytale ideals,
searching in pain, in vain,
for that elusive feeling
called love.
Just to realise that I was one of them
in this world
seeking, finding, hurting, falling.
In times when you feel unappreciated
by my nonsensical ramblings
about all that should have been,
all that must be,
please remember that we want
no one else except each other.

We shall reinforce this warped love
when we hold hands again.
Chest to chest, arms around each other,
lips locked in embrace,
nose-rubbing, smelling,
whispers of welcome, fondness, desire.
I want you here with me and baby.

Pardon my child-like tantrums
of wanting to sleep in your arms,
and of you being at home with me each day.
These are my true emotions,
simple cravings to be fulfilled.
A place of our own,
a home wanting to be built
from love and care.
A baby waiting to arrive as our child.
A wife, anticipating her husband's arrival home.
A love not wanting to waste away
like everything else in this world.
A love I wish for you and I to remember
before hurtful words are spoken.
A world of our own.

like a lazy ass

I said alot of things but apparently do nothing day in day out. Heh.

Ultrasound pictures? Still nothing much to see even if I put it up here. However, if you actually put your palm on my abdomen, you can feel the heartbeat of the baby! You can also see the heart beating away strongly through the "live" ultrasound.

Fir and Samuel are absolutely adorable bois. Strange that they actually need more sleep than the "old man" (aka hubs) and a preggy lady (aka me). Maybe it's a young men thing...

Feeling too shit-ass lazy to step out of the house even though I'm supposed to be getting my manicure and pedicure done for the bridal photoshoot tomorrow. The sky looks like its threatening to rain anyways... Just going to give my nails a trim and brush on a shiny top coat.

Apologies for not updating my blog. Lazy lazy lazy. I need/want alot of rest. If you guys want to know what's up, just give me a ring/beep. If you want my number, just ask. =)

Thursday, May 19, 2005

to wonder

Why does everyone seemingly fall in love at the same time?? See Fiona and Evan. Show off lor... I also got my lover!!

Why do people get so crazy about Star Wars? I only remember that I always fell asleep when trying to watch it on Channel 5. Dunno why. The Episodes IV, V, and VI too cheem for me, maybe.

Why do some people not believe in love even after seeing/feeling all the effects? (Namingly, me.) Because there is still no scientific proof or even reasonable explanation for all that occurs in the courtship aka "feel-feel towards someone" period. I listen to logic. Or so I'd like to think.

Why is the upcoming baby giving hubs and I so much undue stress? Why do we feel pressurized even though we have done the maths and everything should turn out fine? Is it because we want to give the best to our child and what we can provide now is not enough?? Or are we just resuming our former identities as commitment phobes??

Why must we fight? Why must you make me cry? Why do I feel all alone after every outburst? Must you treat me so when you know I'm having a hard time too?

Why do all my thoughts spiral down to unhappiness? I must learn not to think. Or hubs MUST be a better husband. You know it's true, sweets. Don't get aggravated and deny/accept all negative claims. It doesn't work like that.

WHEN AM I GETTING MY OWN ROOF??? Sweets, wifey has barely any patience, so please buck up. My brother is shitting me BIG TIME. I don't want an angry baby.

Finally, why is my weight not increasing even though my tummy is growing?!?!? I must consult my gynae on Sunday when I go for my appointment. You guys wanna see the ultrasound picture when I get it??

Monday, May 16, 2005

An animation in "praise" of the spanking new relationship between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. The paparazzi has lovingly named the couple "TomKat". Heh.

--> Watch it here <--

for pretty bridal gowns

The weekend has been fulfilling.

By chance met Jezamine and her friends, Fir and Eileen, at Tampines' Starbucks
when hubs and I popped by to stopper my Green Tea Frappe craving. We ended up seated with them and chatting. OK. Let me rephrase that, bothering Jez and company. Heh.

Hubs and I found ourselves satisfied with the bridal photoshoot package at this place in Century Square, so we signed up! We'll be taking the shots on 26th May. =) I'll try to remember to post it up.

Dinner with Jez and Fir at Billy Bombers. There was this utterly irritating drone-like waitress who doesn't seem to know a thing. BLeah. Bad customer service. So common in Singapore. The restaurant actually ran out of my favourite cream spinach. WTF... Had no choice but to content myself with an American Hound Dog. It is possibly the BIGGEST hotdog I've EVER had!

Chilled out with Fir past midnight and met up with his friend, Samuel, who turned out to be a secondary school mate. The world is getting so small... I felt so bad that I actually didn't recognise him. HE was the one who actually remembered my name and face!! I feel sooo bad. But you can't blame me can you? He has transformed from geeky-looking teenager to a hip, cool young man!

Slept in really late. I probably over-exerted myself staying awake and actually active the WHOLE of Saturday. Was slightly more than 30 minutes late for my gown selection which was meant to be at 4pm.

The procedure was relatively quick. I stated the design of gown that I want and the nice lady helped me pick out a few to try. Bloody hell, those gowns are heavy I tell you. I've got a total of 3 bustier type gowns (don't really know what you call them, but you'll find out when the pics are ready). One really pretty sequinned one for the indoor photoshoot and for my actual wedding day. Another white gown for the outdoor photoshoot. And finally, a light purple evening gown. If I'm having my wedding dinner, I will actually be wearing that, but we're not having it. I'm a miser. I simply refuse to give barely close relatives a treat. Might as well save the money for my baby...

The gowns are so pretty... Pity I feel fat and frumpy. Especially with my growing belly. Arrgh... Am so agitated. I could be prettier!!

One must look on the bright side. Once I'm into my second trimester, hubs and I can go for a holiday!! Yeah!

Alot of thanks to Fir for repeatedly saying that I'm a "hot mum". It makes me feel tons better about my frumpy bump! You ARE a darling! Muacks!

Friday, May 13, 2005

and drags on

It's a crappy shit day and nothing will make it better.

In short, it's a crappy shit life.

And don't forget the all the puke.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

to wait for blog updates

Sweets has finally updated his blog.

For a moment there, I thought the page would just start growing mould and wither off by itself... Please lor, darling, if you want to start a blogspot then please update at least once a week can??

I promise I will stop picking out your typos lah. I just (try to) read and shut up. =p

Warm day makes me feel soooo sleepy... And I'm hungry too. Then how? Anyone can suggest a way to eat and sleep at the same time?!?

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

to suffer giddiness to the highest level

I didn't manage to go for my pedicure yesterday evening. I felt so tired and had to rest, but yet just couldn't fall asleep. WTF.

Finally I lulled myself to sleep around 5pm using methods that I cannot recall. I woke by 7.30pm with a throbbing and spinning head. Bleah. First reaction when I woke was to rush to the loo to throw up. No good.

The rest of the night was spent trying to ingest something and then rushing off almost immediately to puke. It is really not pleasant at all. This is all hubs' fault for impregnanting me. YOU MUST DOTE ON ME MORE! I DON'T CARE!!

Thankfully, today has been fine so far. Went for a couple of rounds of aim-and-puke, but other than that, I'm feeling "fine". Better to be plainly throwing up than coupled with a throbbing and dizzy head. =)

One must learn to look on the bright side of things.

I did contemplate the idea of posting pictures of each and every session of aim-and-puke, but decided that it was too gross for public display. Heh. Unless anyone is interested to see what comes out in reverse from my digestive system... Anyone?!


Teaser trailer for the fourth installment of the Harry Potter print-to-screen makes, The Goblet of Fire. Seems like everyone is growing up and becoming damn fine young men and women... *slurp*

Still, I have this distaste for the actor playing the "Ron" character. So much so that I don't even bother to find out what his name is. I like Daniel Radcliffe. Heh. If my baby is a boy, I want him to look as charming as that!! =p

Monday, May 09, 2005

on 9th May '05 to see Straits Times screw up

Feathers will fly.

Straits Times actually published My Miyagi's blog URL as in an article featuring Tomorrow.Sg when it is actually Wah lau... Like that how can?!

Don't believe me?? Read the scanned article that Mr Brown posted up on his Flickr. READ CAREFULLY.

If Straits Times can screw up, my blog also can screw up. Heh. Next time can just anyhow type and then don't check spelling and then don't use punctuation and then just keep saying "and then" and then don't need to backspace if i type something wrong and then also dont care of things that should be caps arent caps. heh.

Feeling sleepy and not making sense anymore... *yawn* Time for preggy mummy's nap time! Later still got pedicure appointment at 6.30pm... *yawn slobber slurp*

Sunday, May 08, 2005

another day feeling pukish

If you see stray scrunched up tissues on the road, especially in car parks, beware. I might be just around the corner blowing (my nose) away.

I have cultivated gross habits recently. Blowing both nostrils into a piece of tissue at the same time, scrunching it up, and leaving it all over the house and the interior of the car. Hehe. Maternal instinct of marking territory. I even leave some of my snot on hubs. Marking territory mah!

I have also threw up outdoors at least 3 times in the past 3 days. Stray vomit puddles along the street in the Central and Eastern areas may belong to me too. I know the red-orange colour one in the car park at Beatty Road definitely belongs to me.

Erm... Sorry if you just had your dinner. =p

Next "stinky" topic: Flat viewing. I do not care what this stupid housing agent says, but I am NOT buying a flat that has the masterbed room, extra room and kitchen ALL facing the rubbish collection point 20 metres away. Bleah. *puke* Pooey.

Failed attempt Number 1. Please let us find the perfect flat ASAP. We need a bigger bed. Hubs and I aren't exactly skinny people to be able to sleep on ONE single-sized bed while I am pregnant and marking territory. We cope pretty well now. I bet we won't once my tums grow. Heh.

Hello?! Mother-In-Law!! We need a good flat ah. Anywhere East is good la. If really nothing suitable, I don't mind settling for the condominium right beside Parkway Parade. Hor?!? No good for your son to squeeze with me on one small bed lah. Later your grandchild come out damn 2D. Boh ho la.

I know what smells I must run away from:
- my dad's burning VD cigarettes
- plum sauce
- perfumes, except natural scents and Escada scents
- burning Marlboro reds
- puke
- "fresh" uncooked prawns
- fishtank water
- dirty public toilets

If I come in contact with any of the above, I will puke. Or at least attempt to. Bleah. Makes me want to puke just talking about it. I need something savoury to suck on. Hubs? Hubs?! Where are you?! I need your lollipop!!

Saturday, May 07, 2005

to "feel" pregnancy

Thank you all for the congratulations and excitement over my developing foetus. Don't get too excited about it, because it'll be months later before I'll start walking around with a bump for a stomach. Unless I grow fat from all the eating... For the curious, here are a few things that I'm experiencing as a 6 weeks pregnant new mum:

1) Food cravings. Nothing too drastic like durian milkshake or such, but when I want to eat something, I WANT to eat something. I will scream and kick about it. At least just a little.

2) Mood swings. I don't get too extreme with my emotions (thank God), but I can get quite easily upset or angry. In short, my fuse is just shorter than before. Which is quite bad, because my fuse has never been quite long. Heh. Poor hubs.

3) Strange sleep cycle. I will wake at 5.30am no matter what time it was that I went to bed. That's why I'm up and about now. I will eat, then get sleepy again around 10am. Then I will wake again by 2pm to eat. Then sleep. Then up by 9pm again. Food and some TV. Then to bed by latest 2am. The cycle repeats.

4) Morning sickness. It used to be worse before I found out I was pregnant. These few days, the nausea has been barely irritating, so I guess I am quite lucky.

5) Bigger boobs. And nipples and areola too. They turned into a darker shade of brown too. Yuck. I think they're ugly. Hubs think they're nice. I've always preferred pink nipples though I've never had them. But dark brown?! Please... I hope they'll change back once I've given birth.

6) Tender boobs. Apparently a lot of changes occur in your boobs. So now hubs has got to be really gentle with them.

7) Occasional cramps/pain. Similar to menstrual cramps, but these last only for a few minutes and is common for pregnant ladies. It is caused by the cervix growing to accomodate the baby.

Ok. So there you have it. I'll definitely be getting more funky pregnancy symptoms down the next few months, and I'll be putting them down here for sure so when my kid grows up, he/she can come here and read all about how I felt carrying him/her. Then if they think it was real hard work, I can coerce them into getting better grades and being more well-behaved. Heh. Scheming mother...

Friday, May 06, 2005

in fast-forward motion

** Uninteresting post below. Please skip if you wish to be entertained. **

I'd never have dreamt that I would be ready to become a mother at 22. Let alone actually be married. Pregnancy is a much easier issue to face than being married. Well, for me at least. Almost every woman can, and will want to, become a mother. Yet there are some who are unable, or skeptical, about finding that perfect match. As what hubs calls me "his counterpart". =)

Now life moves on as if someone has jammed the fast-forward button. I am married and expecting a baby at the young age of 22, a time where most peers would be out having hitting the clubs, getting drunk and worrying about our partners (or the lack of it). I'm past that. That was me at 18.

But nonetheless, I still would have never foreseen myself happily tied down and expecting a baby now. It was always 30. I always said and planned it to be at 30. Maybe if I really met the perfect fella, 28. But nothing before 25. I cherish my freedom and I knew it. God knows what Nash did to me to drive me crazy with anticipation to marry him. I would say that I've never been as crazy for any guy, and my ex-boyfriends and close friends all agreed. I was not myself when he's around. I actually become demure, shy and considerate. Too bad. Now I'm back to mean ol' Shelly. *chuckles*

Sometimes I think about where I stand now, and I scare myself. 22, and expecting. 22, and married. *shivers* Just a year ago I would have thought it was stupid to sacrifice my remaining youth and freedom to a mere male mortal. Who controls Shelly??? NO ONE!! And it's true. No one controls me. Hubs gives me total freedom to do what I want (which includes skipping classes) and never enforces his ideas on me. Never. For that, I am thankful that I married him. =)

As the baby will be arriving around mid December, our plans of the traditional wedding ceremony and the purchasing of our love nest has to be brought forward significantly. His mother initially planned for us to get on with it when I graduate with my diploma, but well, the baby's here and it won't wait, so we're going to get it over and done with within the next 2 months. Then it's baby time!! I am both excited and scared at the same time.

Please let everything proceed smoothly, be it the baby or the wedding plans. Let nothing screw us up again. We need a lot of support at this point in time. And a few people I may need help from... huei, kris, fiona, dark muse, GGYY, (basically the girls), I may need to enlist your help on the day of my traditional wedding ceremony... Nothing's confirmed yet, but I'll call you guys once I get the details.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

to scream when agitated

Pregnant women have all the rights.

Stop bitching about whether I can take it or not. It's my life. Don't even attempt to tell me that the baby would suffer should I not be prepared to be a mother. STFU. I've been taking care of my brother since he was born 12 years ago. I know very well how to handle babies/children.

To prove my condition, my family has 2 suicide deaths. My mother and her sister. Yes. My mum passed away April last year. For the ill-informed, depression is actually genetically inherited. Therefore, I arrive into this world as I am. My younger brother has been showing symptoms of depression too, ever since he was 4 or 5 years old. It is not something we can help, feeling like each day is the end and wanting to die.

If you are someone who is just plain bored/bitchy/lifeless and therefore entertains yourself by leaving nasty comments on random online blogs regularly, you are a true lowlife. You are so low that I will no longer reply or even bothering reading any of such comments no more. Your words get the 'deleted' treatment straightaway.

I am not saying that constructive comments of query or concerned nature cannot be left by blog-hoppers, but the choice of words and the way they are phrased play a very big part in conveying your message. And more often than not, the ideas these messages bring across are of a hostile nature. The authors are all out to harm the blog-owner emotionally.

From this day on, I will no longer condone such nasty acts of slander and/or mockery. They will all be deleted. I do not want me and my baby to suffer such unnecessary stress and agitation. If you're really bored and really want to be a bitch, go suck some cock for free. That will truly qualify you as one. And you'll get the additional titles of "slut" and "whore" too. Cheerio.

with a little life inside her

the thing that drove hubs crazy

Be smart and tell me what two little blue lines mean.
Negative or positive?

Pardon the blurry end result of my sleepy photography. Just wanted to show you guys the reason why I've been slacking off blogging recently.

Yes. Being pregnant means you can do nothing all day.
Especially if your loving hubby says so.

I wouldn't mind scanning the ultrasound showing a small lil sac of cells ready to go forth and multiply into a baby, except that daddy has monopolise full authority over the scan and brought it to work. Ooi! You go upload to your Flickr hor. None of my business liao. I go sleep...

Yes. I sleep alot these days. Can't help it.

I fall asleep watching TV. I fall asleep reading. I fall asleep on transport. I fall asleep once I'm done eating. I am no longer Xena the Warrior Princess (a nickname given by my Sec Sch mates). I am now Czevee, the Sleepy Mum-to-be. Ch** B**... Where is all my energy and zest?!

The fact that I can no longer go shopping for clothes kind of takes out the fun in daily activities. Doesn't make much sense to buy clothes just so that you can grow out of them in a few months' time, right??

What pisses me off extremely is that hubs just bought me this perfect pair of Giordano cargo pants and, the next day, we found out that I'm pregnant. Wah lau... What if after giving birth I stay a balloon and will never fit into the pants again?? Money gone down the drain...

I am more than slightly paranoid about being a first-time mum. Especially coupled with the fact that my mother isn't around anymore, I don't have anyone to trust and count on. It makes me quiver with fear of giving birth to an unhealthy baby or screwing up the care-giving.

If anyone wants to regurgitate the same advice of not smoking, don't bother. I've stopped days ago. If one more person tells me to "stop smoking" or "smoke less", I fucking swear I will ignore you. GGYY, that includes you. I do know better than to pump myself with nicotine/tar at this point in time.

Pregnant women can get extremely agitated very easily. It really doesn't help that I've always had a less-than-perfect temper. =) Cheerios, and don't step on my tail!