screwed up

Ok. I admit. I screwed up.

I shouldn't have used the term "post-natal" when I didn't give birth to my baby. I had a miscarriage. But what term was I to use then? Post-miscarriage??

I did not presume anyone would link my post, because seriously, they aren't fab. I only expected my usual readers to see it. Compared to the young taut bodies of Sandra Powerpuff, Xiaxue, or SarongPartyGirl, I almost feel ashamed of my lower body. *sigh* But I still love my tits. =)

If there's anything I feel that my pictures reflected, was that I had attitude. Or maybe you can call it "slut-titude". Yeah. I have a lot of that.

I sincerely offer my apologies if I had misled anyone to think that I had actually just given birth. I would have loved to had that baby, except circumstances did not allow me to do so.

Thank you for the nice comments about my boobs. I think it's great that there are other females around who appreciate and love their own womanly assets too. C'mon girls, flaunt it! We won't stay the same forever (unless you've got shitloads of cash to spare for cosmetic surgery) so show it while you can!

Once again, sorry for the wrong usage of the term "post-natal" and my apologies to those to actually thought that I had just given birth.

the aftermath of being Martian

The results after my utterly embarrassing Martian encounter??



Ain't that bad, is it? Once I manage to get under some sunlight, I shall take some more photos. Hopefully no one will stare at me and whisper amongst their peers about my camwhoring ways outdoors... It can get quite embarrassing some times.

to be a whore

The title for this post is so extremely misleading. For whore, I meant "cam-whore". But then again, not entirely inappropriate for what is to follow...

Please don't be misunderstood. I am not trying to gain some internet fame by posing with little or no clothes on. This is meant to be some pseudo watch ad. Pity more attention goes to the boobs than the watch. It's a really lovely watch previously owned by my mum.

I realise that there's been a recent hoo-ha on SPG's posting of her nude photos online and I'm not trying to follow in her foodsteps. All I can say is, if you've got it, flaunt it. Even if you don't (just like me), your blog is your own personal space on the web, so just go ahead if you feel good about it. I think it'll be funny if you were to go through the archives of your blog 20 years later, and finally realise how back then you were so much sexier and svelte, you'll be pummelling yourself wondering why you never realised that earlier.

This is just me, after losing some of my postnatal flab, wanting to create some evidence to prove the fact (and also to console myself) that I have lost some weight. No doubt my body hasn't fully recovered to its pre-pregnancy state, but in comparison to a month ago, when I was dragging my big belly all around, this is shitloads better. Bollocks to Samuel who says that my tummy still looks the same. Pui. Fir says you're blind. (Or something like that, lah. Can't remember exactly what he said.) Do these pictures prove it??

If you are a new reader to my blog, you might not know about the nude photos taken with my hubs some months ago. Ok, so no bits were shown. But still, there were some horrible comments about my "fats" and what-nots.

Some of the comments did hurt. However, on the bright side, hubs consoled me and brought up the fact of how NONE of the commentors said I was ugly or stupid. That was a relief. Well, there were some XX supporters who called me fat and ugly, but I shall just presume that I'm only ugly because I'm fat. Heh.

--- --- ---

Judging by the pictures, I think you can guess. Yes. I love my tits. And I'm not afraid to say it.

I LOVE MY TITS!

I think it's sad how many girls nowadays strive to be slim (which is in fact skinny) and lose their womanly assets and curves in the process. Yes, there are always areas that can be improved. (Like my currently heavy hips due to the expansion of my pelvic area in preparation of childbirth.) But on the whole, many girls really do not need that all over weight loss. Problem areas will always exist, just work on them and let the rest be. I cannot imagine myself without tits. I think that would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I love my tits. Did I say that already?? Oh. Well, I love my tits. =p

in 45 for a day

Don't want to post liao lor!

Aiyoh... you people ah... Ask me to post post post update update update. Then in the end?? No one reads it. Chey!

--- --- ---

In any case, just for the sake of passing time and rambling, I'm gonna announce that I'm back in 45. Just for a night. My mother-in-law extended a warm welcome to me the moment I came back with hubs. Purpose was just to pick up some of my stuff here, but she repeatedly asked me to stay over for the night, and so, I don't have much of a choice.

I guess her concerns would stem from not wanting her precious son to go to bed too late, since he is now in a new job. Coming in late for work is an absolute no-no for newbies in a company. She is very uptight about her son's future, given the fact that both of us have ZERO savings up til this point in our marriage. Heh.

Another reason for her asking me to stay might be the reason that she wants us to *ahem* copulate. Ok, fine. In a nicer, more humane term, consummate. She does want a grandchild quite badly. When I lost my baby, she actually cried. OMG. Neither of us expected her to be so emotional about it. Well, my dad cried too. But then again, I am his precious daughter.

So now I'm here. Sitting at the balcony of this big house numbered 45. Back in these familiar surroundings and yet, at the same time, feeling strangely unfamiliar. It's like the feeling of deja vu. The niggling tingle that you've been here before and the fact that you actually know your way around, yet feeling like an alien to the sights and smells.

Memories are flooding back at an accelerated speed. Some good, some bad. Nothing to do about it, except to brush each unhappy one aside and to hold each happy one close to heart. I feel almost poetic again. Just almost.

This time round, with no diary at hand, I guess my works will just have to go online. Public. Read if you want.

--- --- ---

There'll be photos posted as soon as I get home. I've been such a camwhore here. As always. It's so boring here, there's nothing much to do except hanky-panky with the laptop, camwhoring, sleeping and sex. It's too early for making love and/or sleeping and I don't have my laptop with me to mess around with. I was left with only ONE option.

Now that the wireless router is wired up, I am prowling the net again. Pity I don't have my BlueTooth dongle, if not I would post up the pics now. Tomorrow, if anyone is interested. A forehand warning though: provocative pictures. It is so very warm and stuffy here that I couldn't help it prancing around in my bikini top.

without hubs

Hubs starts work in a new company today.

He has moved back to his parents to facilitate easier transport as his new company is closer to his parents' Paya Lebar home then to my Tampines home.

He left with his possessions in tow at 1.30am, and up til now, I'm still up and pondering. It's been 5 hours. Do I miss him at all?

Probably. But in order to avoid that, I've busied myself surfing the net, doing what I deem "mandatory". Emails, Friendster, Flickr, blogs. Suddenly it even seems less fun to do all that.

There's no sudden bear hugs from behind.
No cheeky face parked in front of my face radiating with smiles.
No gentle nagging voice asking me when I'll be done.
No kisses on my forehead from nowhere.
No inquisitive voice probing if I'm hungry/thirsty.
No warm, rough hands to caress my cheek as I stare intently at my LCD screen.
No one to light my smokes once my left hand starts to aimlessly search for my pack without taking my eyes off the screen.
No heavy footsteps walking up and down the room, reassuring me that he's just around the corner.
No one to tell me that it's almost bedtime and that I should stop soon.

No distractions from my own life.

And I can't say I really enjoy it.

Mariah Carey's "We Belong Together" plays on Class95. If he was here listening too, he'll chuckle and say that it's Samuel's song. Then with the most romantic eye-to-eye gaze he can muster, he'll direct my head to face him, and he'll sing the words "we belong together" to me.

Yes, we do belong together. So why are you not here?

I sound almost lovesick. I guess there's no denying... I am.

probably a lil late

Thanks Sam for making a collage of the photos. Especially those for my tea ceremony. =)

You're a great pal, sours!

horror back in SG

Unpacking back in Singapore (SG) proved to be quite a feat as you can see...

All the stuff!! All the things that hubs had to help me lug back from Hong Kong!!

Here's a breakdown of the things I bought:

The fashionista

All the clothes I bought back. Nope, not all for me, but mostly mine anyways. One pair of shoes are for my bro, some T-shirts for Fir/Sam/Nash. Yup. That's all. Heh.

The clothes there can be really cheap if you know where to look. Most of the pieces I got there cost less than S$20! Well, don't expect anything fantastic, but they're definitely more up-to-date in the bohemian trend, which is what I'm into these days. I can foresee This Fashion selling some of the pieces at S$25 onwards in time to come... When that day comes I shall chortle and proudly proclaim that I got it cheaper! In all, the only expensive pieces from this trip are the tops we got from Hard Rock Cafe. They cost a whooping HKD160 each!!

In total, I spent around HKD2000 on fashion apparel (including those for others). That would be close to S$500! Ahem. Now you guys know why I say I'm broke.

Satisfying the inner child

Oooh... All the Hello Kitty things I found there!! Eversince the Hello Kitty craze died down here, it has been an utter pain in the arse to find unique Kitty items here. And now that I've found Hong Kong, bollocks to buying them here!

I got a plush bolster, a suitcase (absolutely mandatory cos I overloaded the suitcases we brought over), 3 towels and a floormat. The 3 bottles on the upper right corner are Hello Kitty packaged drinks we had there. Look at the embossing on the suitcase!

Other than Hello Kitty, I also paid homage to Emily Strange. The offerings? A tote bag, 2 T-shirts and a coin pouch (as seen on the left).

Unique purchases

I know it sounds kinda stupid to tell people that I bought a dustbin back from Hong Kong, but the truth is, I did. It's one of those bins you see in shopping centres, with an ashtray on the top. The colours match my room PERFECTLY! I couldn't resist spending HKD90 (S$20.45) on it at the night market.

Back in Singapore, I saw something similar but smaller in size at Orchard Cineleisure. Bloody hell. It was even less than half the size of mine, but going for a hefty S$23.95. Pui! Thank God I'm so stingy. Had that feeling that the same item in Singapore would cost a bomb.

The DVDs are McDull, a Hong Kong made animation which won quite a number of awards. But unless you understand Cantonese, you won't get the jokes. The ChungKing Express DVD is for my uncle. He's been trying to find it for ages in Singapore to no avail. Canton movies, particularly the older ones, are so hard to find here.

--- --- ---

I did have some other interesting finds over in Hong Kong, like the beautiful jade jewellery in Jade Market and the sex toys sold in the Temple Street night market. Sex toys are too personal to show here. Heh. And the jewellery I bought is meant for a certain someone, so I won't show it here cos she'll definitely see it, which would spoil the surprise. Heh again.

Hubs says we must go back to Hong Kong again soon. He likes it there too. The places that stay open til late night, so suitable for night owls like us. The naughty stuff we can so easily lay our hands on over there. The smelly beancurd! Not to mention all the girly, childish things I can get there.

Currently we are planning on going at the end of the year, but at second thought, we've decided on going in Feb/March 2006. We want to skip the peak season so there will be less of a crowd and the prices for air-travel and accomodation are more competitive! How's that for scheming minds??

--- --- ---

Well, here I am. Back in SG and getting my hair done in my fave salon at Raffles Place. Looking stupid and pretty much like a Martian with extremely HUGE brains. Like what Jeza would say, Tak Glam!

I could hardly bring myself to smile. I look utterly dumb!! Hubs had a good laugh when I showed him this shot. Wah lau. Damn malu. Even my hubs cannot take it. Thank God my hair came out with satisfactory results and I didn't feel overcharged. S$188 for colour, highlight, cut and treatment. All done by my favourite hairstylist auntie. Heh. (Photos of new head coming soon. Must take it under sunlight then highlights can show better mah...) Cheerios!

in Hong Kong

The past few days have been spent with the family and catching up with friends. It is good to be home in some sense. No doubt the past memories evoked from being back in this land brings no comfort, the presence of friends and loved ones are almost always welcomed and appreciated.

Samuel and Fir, I hope you guys liked the presents. Nothing fab, but just a token from us.

In response to the popular request for photos, bear with the photos as they load and pardon the quality of the shots as they are all taken with my trusty Nokia 7610.

Shots of us in some of Hong Kong's famous tourist spots:

The view of Hong Kong Island from the harbour.
Too bad our big heads are blocking part of the view.

View from The Peak. With our heads again. =p

Us on the famous topless bus driving down Nathan Road.

Nash at Ned Kelly's Last Stand, a themed restaurant on Ashley Road.

The following are some random shots taken throughout our stay in Hong Kong:

Boat coming in to the Aberdeen Harbour.

Hong Kong Island. Just like the way you see it on TV.

Notice the looming rainclouds?

The starting point of Hong Kong's Avenue of Stars marked with a statue modelled after the Hong Kong Film Awards statuette.

View from The Peak aka Victoria Peak.


Another one from The Peak.


And another one from The Peak.


The decor at Ned Kelly's Last Stand. The man in the potrait is Ned Kelly!


The extra long escalator running in Langham Place. There are two of them, respectively running from levels 4-8 and 8-12. Langham Place is a 15-storey shopping centre in Mongkok.

The Bitch Is Back!

I'm back!

A big apology to all those who have been religiously checking back on my blog for the past 2 weeks. The BITCH had been recuperating from an utterly broken heart and is now, glad to say, struggling back to lead a normal bitchy life again.

Life has not been kind. Not the least bit at all. Even in Hong Kong the weather was crap. Rain came on a daily basis and robbed me of my chance to visit Ocean Park again after 7 long years. No worries. Sweets has promised me a trip back up again hopefully by the end of the year. By that time, Hong Kong's Disneyland would be opened and I'll have another wonderland to be a deliriously happy child again!

Despite the horrible weather, I managed to go on a shopping spree!! Walking down the streets of a foreign land with a familiar warm hand to hold is such a therapeutic experience... Sweets and I have agreed to have a vacation at least once a year. Savings are a must then. SIGH. No one can have both ends of the stick, I guess.

Pardon the non-fantastical return of my blogging days. I'll put up pictures taken in Hong Kong and show you guys all the stuff that I bought! Soon, soon. Just let me have some rest from that darned flight. I'll be back. I promise.

Meanwhile, shout-outs to my friends for being there for the past two weeks. You guys are fab. Thanks for all that much needed concern. Sometimes, for people like you, it's good to be alive. =)

Cheers!

the final moments before BIG DAY

It is true that I did not pay much attention to this traditional tea ceremony and I really don't give a rat's ass about it because deep down inside, I'm not really Chinese.

But now the moments draw closer and the nervous stirring in the depths of my stomach are making me panicky. It is an official marriage custom after all.

The gown's hanging by my wardrobe, alongside my bridesmaid's. Somehow now, that beautiful gown doesn't seem that beautiful anymore. I tried it on again about 2 hours ago and the only words ringing in my head are "You're fat".

Hubs says it's normal because my body has yet to fully re-adjust itself back to my pre-pregnancy days, but even a million logical reasons won't help at all. A bride is meant to be beautiful on her wedding day. Even though this is my second wedding day.

When I caught a glimpse of my bridesmaid's gown, I felt displeased. It is white. Yet mine is off-white. I felt pissed. Maybe because I know that this wedding has not been planned to my standards due to the rush caused by the impending arrival of the baby. And now that there's no more baby, I feel short-changed in a way, because things could have been shitloads better.

I feel a sense of pity for myself.
Things could have been done so much better and much more proper than it is now.

Life has never been kind to me.
I just hope it doesn't get worse.

--- --- ---

The few valued guests for my tea ceremony have all seemingly ganged up against me.

In the evening, Grace aka huei called saying that she's down ill and won't be my bridesmaid, but she'll turn up at my place in the afternoon for my ceremony. That was just for starters.

At 3.32am, Marco sms-ed saying that he cannot make it. My inquisitive reply to him was not answered. Felt utterly upset by it because he promised to make it weeks before.

At 3.44am, it was Jeza saying the same thing. As usual, no reason why.

Fuck. I could jolly well have all my guests not turning up.
Obviously my once-in-a-lifetime affair just ain't important enough.
So much so that I'm not even being let in to know why you're not turning up.

Even if it's just for courtesy's sake, just make up a tale about how your grandpa is celebrating his 80th birthday or something. But no. "I shall not tell the poor suffering bride as to why I shan't grant her my presence."

Fine. I should have learnt long ago that Life just doesn't like me.
I just don't know why I haven't learnt to take it easy, relax and simply not care.
Maybe I do.
This is just a one-off thing because, for fuck's sake, I AM GETTING MARRIED!

I wonder how my marriage will be a happy one when the people I know aren't really interested to give us their blessings. If ever my marriage should fail, I think I'll have something other than Life to blame.

No encouragement/blessings/support = No happiness/true friends/luck

Whatever.

--- --- ---

GGYY, thanks for initiating contact. The long chat was long overdue and really uplifting.

Fir and Sam, please DO turn up and not fail me. I really cannot take anymore setbacks no more.

Wanzhen aka Kristy, please do bear with me just for today and try not to say anything that would upset me. I know it ain't easy, given the fact that you've pretty much gotten used to saying all that's on your mind with me. Just for today, take it as I'm any other petty bitch that takes offence to words. Thank you.

--- --- ---

I feel so utterly vulnerable to the elements of the world. People, pity me. Even if it's just for today.

today

An ardously long day.
Sprinkled with rain and shine,
laughter, smiles and tears.

The morning started gloomy.
Grey clouds looming.
Raindrops falling.

The joy of seeing you
again moving in my womb.
Wonderfully miraculous.

The doctor spoke.
We listened.
A heartwrenching decision.

D-Day.
Desperation.
Depression.

The final stop
to repeated cycles
of arguments and heartaches.

The crucial decision
to the end
of a possibly beautiful relationship.

My child.
Adorable, innocent, ours.
Scheduled for departure.

Little hands, I will never hold.
Little feet, I will never see kick.
Little face, I will never see smile.

The pain.
The excruciating pain.
From inside, from out.

A tearful farewell.
Informal,
barely audible.

My child.
Taken away from me
with every metallic drone.

Part concious,
part sedated,
fully aware.

My child.
Our love growing inside me.
Going, going, gone.

The pain.
The excruciating pain
of wanting them to stop.

My heart hurt
a million times more
than my body does.

My baby,
our joy,
our love.

Tears fell endlessly.
Screams and stammers
at what they were doing to you.

Logically sensible,
emotionally senseless.
A path chosen and crossed.

We cried.
We hurt.
We dearly miss you.

The familiar taste of nicotine.
The unfamiliar feeling of emptiness
in my belly where you were.

Tobacco, tears and the tangible
cannot take away that invisible wound.
That bright red that was once you.

Meet us in our dreams,
dear child.
Mummy and Daddy shall hold you once again.

Thank you to huei (aka Grace), Samuel and Fir for being such supportive friends and being there for us all the way. You peeps get all my love and blessings for being such utter angels.

Thank you to our family who have been exceptionally understanding throughout my shortlived pregnancy. Your support and encouraging words have done a great deal to tide us through this emotionally daunting incident.

Thank you to my dearest sweets for being the most wonderful/understanding/caring/loving husband a bitch like me could ever ask for. You are definitely not having a much better time than me regarding this matter, but remember what we've said before. We'll always be there for each other. I love you.

Life has dealt yet another blow to me, yet all is not lost. All will start anew with the setting up of our first home. Our own little haven to be ourselves and more. A sanctuary to shelter us from the harsh outside world.

Time away from this land will do us good. So thus we shall go. And be back refreshed, happy and brimming with new hope.

to receive nonexistent fan mail

Fan mail and hate mail can now be sent to henry.shelly@gmail.com.

Not that I'm expecting alot of them, therefore the need to use a brand new gmail account. It just happens to be an absolutely necessary mailbox to own in the eyes of "sours" Sam.

Oh, Mother Earth,
Sprinkle thy dirty sand on Sam
and give him the accuracy during his Tarot Card readings.

And bless him with the memory
to retain the card interpretations
so he may stop referring to that irritating book.

Heh. *shakes ass at Sam*

Anyways, upon Sam's valuable advice, I have decided to start an "Aunt Agony" column on a new blog. Currently lamely titled as "Shelly says". You may feel free to send your anonymous mails to the email add above and I will do my best to shine a light on you.

Please do not think that because I am "happily" married now and am therefore kind of showing off by providing advice/assistance/shoulder to whine on to others. In fact, I will be honest and say that the more fucked up a person is, the more capable they are of showing you what good fortune you have. =)

I just thought I should be resuming some old duties that I had let go off some years ago.

No doubt these counselling replies might unwittingly reveal some of the skeletons in my own closet, but if knowing more about me can help you, or anyone else for that matter, I am completely comfortable with it.

I will be checking my mailbox daily from now on.

Please eat here!

Changing Appetites at Far East Square boasts of a menu with over 200 items!! And trust me, if they can dedicate FOUR pages to desserts alone, ranging from waffles to sundaes, you can believe that they've got more pages featuring proper main courses.




Look at the huge serving of unique Parmesan Fish and Chips!!



Fir and Sam, we are bringing you guys there the moment you start craving for Fish and Chips. And the good thing is, they're opened til 1am on Fridays and Saturdays!

They also serve alcoholic drinks at $4 per glass or $18 per jug. The perfect fill-up-tummy and get high place to be before heading off to the clubs! So how? When are you guys free??

Darned Malaysian subtitles!

It was an extremely tickling experience watching Star Wars Episode III: The Revenge of The Sith at home on my dad's, erm, "imported" DVD. The subtitles are absolutely hilarious!! Here are some examples:

Malaysian version: I will wave for you right here.
Original version: I will wait for you right here.

Malaysian version: Contugu
Original version: Count Dooku

Malaysian version: Lord Sidius
Original version: Lord CDs (like literally read out the letters)

Malaysian version: We can go back to the moon.
Original version: We can go back to Naboo.

Malaysian version: like the those around you, who transform into the force
Original version: Rejoice for those around you who transform into the force

Malaysian version: move on them to not
Original version: mourn for them do not

Malaysian version: the shadow of greet
Original version: the shadow of greed

I've got proof okay?? Just click on some of the phrases.

I would love to show more of these outrageously linguistically challenged subtitles. Other than the lack of good English, I really cannot explain how anyone can actually think the characters can be saying things like "death is a natural apart of life". Heh.

Truth be told, pirates naturally don't seem to be the educated bunch from society, judging by the things they would do for money. Obviously in this context, piracy. But then again, some of the most intelligent minds in the world come up with such cleverly devious plans just to have a better life. Misappropriating company funds by the millions, hacking into banks' secured information and eventually transfering others' savings into their own accounts.

Nah. Who cares. Too much brain juice needed for a smart post. We shall just laugh at the subtitles. I will continue watching the DVD and if there are subtitles even worse than that, I WILL post it up.