today

An ardously long day.
Sprinkled with rain and shine,
laughter, smiles and tears.

The morning started gloomy.
Grey clouds looming.
Raindrops falling.

The joy of seeing you
again moving in my womb.
Wonderfully miraculous.

The doctor spoke.
We listened.
A heartwrenching decision.

D-Day.
Desperation.
Depression.

The final stop
to repeated cycles
of arguments and heartaches.

The crucial decision
to the end
of a possibly beautiful relationship.

My child.
Adorable, innocent, ours.
Scheduled for departure.

Little hands, I will never hold.
Little feet, I will never see kick.
Little face, I will never see smile.

The pain.
The excruciating pain.
From inside, from out.

A tearful farewell.
Informal,
barely audible.

My child.
Taken away from me
with every metallic drone.

Part concious,
part sedated,
fully aware.

My child.
Our love growing inside me.
Going, going, gone.

The pain.
The excruciating pain
of wanting them to stop.

My heart hurt
a million times more
than my body does.

My baby,
our joy,
our love.

Tears fell endlessly.
Screams and stammers
at what they were doing to you.

Logically sensible,
emotionally senseless.
A path chosen and crossed.

We cried.
We hurt.
We dearly miss you.

The familiar taste of nicotine.
The unfamiliar feeling of emptiness
in my belly where you were.

Tobacco, tears and the tangible
cannot take away that invisible wound.
That bright red that was once you.

Meet us in our dreams,
dear child.
Mummy and Daddy shall hold you once again.

Thank you to huei (aka Grace), Samuel and Fir for being such supportive friends and being there for us all the way. You peeps get all my love and blessings for being such utter angels.

Thank you to our family who have been exceptionally understanding throughout my shortlived pregnancy. Your support and encouraging words have done a great deal to tide us through this emotionally daunting incident.

Thank you to my dearest sweets for being the most wonderful/understanding/caring/loving husband a bitch like me could ever ask for. You are definitely not having a much better time than me regarding this matter, but remember what we've said before. We'll always be there for each other. I love you.

Life has dealt yet another blow to me, yet all is not lost. All will start anew with the setting up of our first home. Our own little haven to be ourselves and more. A sanctuary to shelter us from the harsh outside world.

Time away from this land will do us good. So thus we shall go. And be back refreshed, happy and brimming with new hope.