Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Blog has a new look!

Harharhar... Lazy arse syndrome wore off for awhile. Long enough for me to fit in some new stuff on this boring black & white blog page. Got in this cool photo frame thingy from Flickr. God knows how to read "Zeitgeist", but just as long as it looks good, I don't give too much of a damn. Fortunately I don't have a thing against Germans, if not I think I'd probably not put it up cos it just sounds soooo German... =p

Put up some links too. Link to my Friendster account so anyone can add me to their friend list. Link to my free PhotoBlog account too. Now still fiddling with my Flickr account, trying to upload pictures onto my blog by email uploading... *SIGH*

Meanwhile, you can still ogle at the pictures on Flickr Zeitgeist! Enjoy!

Feeling full of crap...

Feeling full of crap can mean quite a few things...
I can be full of nonsense,
Or I am deep in shit.
Unfortunately, these two usually come hand in hand... >_<
Stress from school and wedding preps causes depression, and depression causes me to go all hyper and cuckoo.
So thus~!

Wedding plans are halfway there. Most of the important details have already been set in stone. Wedding bands purchased, reception venue booked and deposit paid, guest list out, honeymoon booked and paid for... Now, what else?? *SIGH* Recently always feel like I'm forgetting something. Though most of the time, I
have... =p But ain't good to go on in daily life feeling like I'm a blur cock who has definitely left something behind... *Checks right ring finger for diamond ring* Phew... Still there. Quite paranoid about losing my proposal ring. If you catch me looking at it quite often, I am NOT admiring it... Just merely checking that I still have it there... But then again, since we're looking at it, take a good look!! Soooo pretty.... ^_^

I know I am getting married and all that, but I can't help but feel depressed once in a while. Marriage should be all jolly and good. Especially when I'm marrying a man I love deeply and who loves me sooo much too. Then what the hell is wrong with me? I feel like such a party pooper. Being all crazy before my wedding day. Lucky my hubby-to-be is such a sweet guy... Always so caring and understanding. I love ya!

Friday, November 26, 2004

Delayed proposal

I have finally been proposed to.... Keke...
Like straight out from the movies...

I admit that I have been watching a bit too many movies and have long since developed my own little way of wanting a proposal. The man should be handsome, articulate, and with a delectable figure. He should be well-dressed, and the proposal should be done in front of a HUGE crowd. (I like to show off to people that I am getting married... Not to mention, in movies, the passer-bys always will stop to watch and cheer the couple on.) He MUST present me with a ring with a diamond no smaller than 0.2 carats. I just want a pretty diamond that lasts. In representation of our love. 1 carat diamonds are only good if he is filthy rich, or if I wanna scratch someone's car with it... >_<

What my hubby-to-be did was quite close to that. In fact, it was better. He was on a stage!! I could hear his voice quivering from stage fright. It could have been anxiousness too, since it's his first time proposing. In front of the whole Bar Troppo no less... My favourite part is when he went down on one knee and presented me with the diamond ring. "Will you marry me?"

Well, of course, silly! I've already paid the deposit for the event venue and the wedding rings have been bought! Keke... That's the amount of sarcasm you get for proposing after wedding plans are halfway in progress... =p
But the ring is nice. Yup yup. Very very nice... Soooooo pretty..... ^_^

Thursday, November 25, 2004


Love is like a rose.
It might be white,
It might be red,
Sometimes it might even be yellow.
Whatever colour it might be,
It should still smell the same,
Feel the same,
And still have thorns.

If you have been pricked by thorns before,
And still feel the pain,
Take your time.
Wounds will heal,
Fear will lessen.

In time to come,
You will feel strong enough to hold a rose again.
Know that if you want this rose bad enough,
Bear with the pricking.

In time to come,
It will all be worth it.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Battle of the animated movies

A Shark Tale is now showing on screens, fighting for box office ratings with no less, a Disney/Pixar animation The Incredibles. Nothing incredibly fantastic about the super hero flick though. The storyline is all but predictable and run of the mill. Super Hero saves the day yet again. But not before he gets imprisoned by a powerful nemesis and tortured to his wits' end. Can somebody please come up with a fresh super hero movie plot please???

Shark Tale is, yes, quite predictable too in the unfolding of events, but as the characters are fishes instead of human, the attraction is still very high. Not to mention the fact that the humour is notches more witty than what was present in The Incredibles. Angelina Jolie voicing as the sexy sultry fish, Lola, also brought along the presence of sexual tension in the show.

I would gather from the content of the two animations that The Incredibles is targeting mainly at wholesome family entertainment, while A Shark Tale is going for more matured audiences. The mention of debts, gambling, sexual temptation and shark mafia doesn't exactly make for kiddish entertainment. But heck, we all love the vices in life don't we? And thus, Shark Tale takes the trophy from me for being the more entertaining animation on screens now! Actually I could have been a tad biased because Shark Tale has a hip-hop soundtrack... =p

(Working at the car wash... woo wo yeah yeah YEAH...)

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Love Confirmation

When you tell me that you love me,
So much, so much, so much.
I do believe you.
But when you tell me,
Registering for marriage only costs 26 dollars,
I had a shock.
An estatic shock.

Do you really love me so much
That you want to commit to me?
Are you sure
That I'm the one you want for the rest of your life?
Marriage is not a game.
That I know you understand too.
So why is it that you bring up such an idea to me?

Was God the one
Who told you that only if you proposed
Then would I return to His side?

Since the thought is already there,
On Sunday,
To church I shall go.
No less with you in tow.

Yet I still want to hear you say,
"Will you marry me?"
And remember,
My wedding ring size is 13. =)

Sunday, November 07, 2004

[ reply to Anonymous ]

Thank you for all the sweet lyrics. I think I should be smart enough to know who you are. But for once, state in your own words what it is that you are searching for in your life. Is it me? How sure are you? You ARE stupid, yes I know. But nevertheless that doesn't change the fact that I love you...

I no longer know what to be sure of in life no more. All because of you. I can only take each day as it comes, just because I can no longer trust or believe in anything. I would love to be able to plan ahead. To work towards a future with you as a part of it. But can I? Am I that special someone who is blessed to receive your love for the rest of my life? You may say so. How certain are you? How sure are you that you would love me forever?

I know deep in my heart that nobody else in this world can ever replace the love that I feel for you. We are made for each other. That, you should know, is true. We are oddballs out in a world where neither one of us functions like others. Until we met our equivalent. In the most unexpected situation, we met. Within a short span of time, we fell in like with each other. Time went by, and as we got to know each other better, like mutated into love. Yes, mutation is the right word. Because our love is so different from everyone else's.

Now, my question is, how much do you love me? I want you to show it to me. That much is all I ask for.

[ reply to huei ]

Dear huei,

I know exactly what it is that you mean! We were never really that close, but remember how back then in school people used to think that we were best friends? Then we would always answer them that we barely know each other and that we're from different classes! Keke... Those were the days eh?

I know we are pretty much on the same frequency, which explains the amount of comfort we have with each even though we don't know about each other's past or present.

I hope this special "distant" friendship will last through the ages. And here's wishing you get your iMac soon eh? >_<


Saturday, November 06, 2004

Thank you all!

After this particularly vexing time in my life, I realise that there are some of those who are constantly there for me. Especially all those who knew about my situation through my blog. I didn't know that I was THAT loved by so many... THANK YOU ALL!

As you all can tell from my entries, I'm over this already. No doubt I am still waiting, but nowadays I bring along hope in my journey towards the end. To those who do not appreciate my love to them, I say it's their loss! Kekeke... I'm not someone who dishes out my love to everyone, so those who are getting it now, cherish it!! CrAnBeRi! I'm talking about you... =p

You guys know that whatever shit that comes your way, I'll be there to guide you through. Never hesitate to ring me in times of doubt or helplessness. You know I'm the free counsellor in all situations. Absolutely no charge! (Outgoing call minutes on your bill not included.)

Well, wish me luck on my escapade towards love and happiness. With you lovely people around, I know life's gonna be pretty good. I never do seem to have a lack of suitors no matter how fat I get anyways! =p (Show off!)

To whoever may be reading this, I LOVE YOU! Thank you for silently being there for me. Seems like the purpose of this blog has not been fruitless.


Friday, November 05, 2004

Transformation complete!

Apparently as time goes by, one gets more and more accustomed to his/her unique way of reacting to certain situations. As for me, I always tend to go through transformation. Physical and mental.

This time round, the mental state was at its most complex state ever. The existence of dualistic thinking never made things easy for anyone. Yet, due to exposure to such complexities over and over again, I have learnt to deal with the matter more efficiently.

Fuck the constant mental battle. Fuck all consequences of my decision. I can no longer give a flying fuck about what others might feel towards what I justify to be a worthy move.

I smoke all I want. I drink all I want. All in all I live for myself, and if we are all meant to search for our happiness, then I have found my eternal bliss amongst the alcoholics and nicotine addicts. Temporarily escaping from the daily hassle of thinking.

The quest of this pursuit in love is something that I have set my mind on. I will wait. Indefinitely. However, that doesn't mean that my life will be put on hold through this presumably long process. Should someone walk up to me confessing his love, I may accept it. I may not. We are all here to provide some sort of comfort to someone else. If I can make someone's life better, then why not? Yet, if I end up breaking someone's heart, why not too?

There are events in life which are pre-determined. To break or mend hearts is something beyond my control. You come to me with love in mind. How much I can achieve in that particular aspect is not always within my jurisdiction. I may just come and go like the wind. I may stay long-term. I do not know.

All I know now is that I am all alone in my battle against the world and all the elements that it decides to bestow upon me. I shall stride on confidently because I know that nothing much in life can bring me down. I must be strong to wait for the return of my angel. I take each day as it comes. Not looking too far into the unforeseen future. Planning or no planning, life still has the tendency to take things in its hands. I react when the situation calls for it. There. That's the new me.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Third Eye Blind - Deep Inside Of You

When we met, light was shed
Thoughts free flow
You said you've got something
Deep inside of you

A wind chime voice sound
Sway of your hips round rings true
It goes deep inside of you

These secret garden beams
Changed my life, so it seems
A fall breeze blows outside
I don't break stride, my thoughts are warm
And they go deep inside of you
Oh yeah

And I never felt alone, alright
Oh oh, till I met you

Friends say I've changed
I don't listen 'cuz I live to be
Deep inside of you

Slide of her dress
Shouts in darkness, I'm so alive
I'm deep inside of you

You said, "boy make girl feel good"
But still, deep inside

I've never felt alone
Till I met you
I'm alright on my own
And then I met you
And I'd know what to do
If I just knew what's coming

I would change myself if I could
I'd walk with my people if I could find them
And I'd say that I'm sorry to you
I'm sorry to you

And I don't want to call you
But then I want to call you
'Cuz I don't want to crush you
But I feel like crushing you, and it's true
I took for granted you were with me
I breathe by your looks and you look right through me

But we were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know

Something's gone, you withdraw
And I'm not strong like before
I was deep inside of you

I can go nowhere
I burn candles and stare
At a ghost deep inside of you

And some great need in me
Starts to bleed
I've lost myself, there's nothing left
It's all gone
Deep inside of you
Deep inside of you
Deep inside of you

Bic Runga - Sway

Don't stray, don't ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes, when you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time
Don't let me drown, let me down
I say it's all because of you
And here I go, losing my control
I'm practicing your name so I can say it to your face
It doesn't seem right, to look you in the eye
Let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed it's time to tell you why
I say it's infinitely true

Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you

And there's no cure, and no way to be sure
Why everything's turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired - I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now it all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon


It's all because of you
It's all because of you

Now it all turns sour, come sweeten every afternoon
It's time to tell you why, I say it's infinitely true


It's all because of you
It's all because of you
It's all because of you

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

My angel has moved on...

My angel has moved on.
My days under his care are over.
What is left are the happy memories.
The smiles, the laughter, the joy.
I know in my whole life I shall never love another one as much,
Or as deep,
As I have done with him.

My dearest sweetie,
No matter where you are,
No matter what you do,
You know that I will ALWAYS love you.

When that day comes where you no longer have self-doubt,
And you have realised that I AM the one for you,
Let me know.

I am permanently marked as yours.
For life.
Your name, your smile, your witty comments,
Shall stay with me forever more.

We may both move on in separate directions.
We may find someone else to spend the rest of our lives with.
But you know that our love,
Though short-lived,
Was a wonderful feeling during that brief moment.
A beautiful display of fireworks.
It lit up my whole life just for those few moments,
Then it was gone for good.

I will still move on.
Though life will be meaningless from now on.
There will be nothing to look forward to no more.
Yet I live on.
Just for that chance of ever being with you again.
That is my hope and motivation,
Reason simply being that
I love you.