the submissive wife

So after 1.5 bowls of Kway Chap each, here we are, sitting in his office at Katong. He's busying designing his A1 posters and bus ads. Me, just randomly keying in a blog post.

All in all, I am just a wussy. So angry, yet I still gave way. I don't know what's gotten into my head ever since I got married. I have become, literally, a pussy.

Don't get me wrong, I do like being submissive in certain areas of my relationships Like *ahem* in bed. I think every woman has a yearning in them to be taken over and overwhelmed in terms of sexuality. I am definitely one of them. But sad to say, my sex life has been barely been in existence for the past 2 weeks. I am sexually depressed.

Maybe we should just have sex in the office right now. That'll be good way to kickstart Hari Raya. =p

But then again, if I disturb his work, he might just flare up again. *sigh* A long time ago, when we just got married, I had already foretold that once I start working full-time, our intimacy and communication will start going down the drain. Him being the busy fella with hardly any time for lunch (let alone sex), can rarely be sensitive enough to sense that I need some affection. In actual fact, I need a lot of affection. I thrive on hugs and kisses from the ones I love. So back then, when I was the one with plenty of free time, I sorted out the laundry, did what I please and at the end of his long day at work, pamper him and initiate contact.

Now, with our own work schedules and two baskets overflowing with dirty laundry, we barely have enough time to even check our email accounts for just 10 minutes. Everything just naturally falls into the categories of lower importance. It's not like we want to, but it just can't be helped. Running the rat race just keeps your vision blurred. What can you expect after going round and round on repetitive almost-daily cycles of work, lunch, work, dinner, sleep?

Although it is a public holiday, and we should be spending time bonding and enjoying each others' company (and bodies), he's here slogging away. I would love to push the blame to him for my plight of boredom here, and just walk away scot-free, but on hindsight, he's working hard for us. For our house, our lifestyle, our future. How can I have the heart to just leave him here alone?

This is the most I can do as a wife. To be here with him, as a pillar of strength and support, to shine on him in the darkest hours like a ray of light, to love him and be by his side. That is all I can do. And even though it doesn't sound like much, it can be quite difficult to repress your own desires and to just be the woman in the back. Especially for someone vocal and selfish like me. I always want things going MY way.

And now's the time, the wife in me takes over.

Can't say I like it, can't say I don't, because there's is a sense of contentment just knowing that you're doing your best as a partner. All I wish for now is that at the end of the day, Hubs gets the job done, and we can go back to the loving, doting couple surrounded with fun and laughter.