the day's thoughts: friendship
What a difference Jamie Cullum makes to a noisy Starbucks joint...
Almost instantaneously, the day's frizzled angst & moodiness is calmed. Leaving behind a soothed mentality. The invisible personal bubble temporarily constructed through the infusion of beautiful jazz gives me the much needed time to ponder on some personal issues.
Are friends an absolute necessity in life?
BUDDIES
I have almost always been a loner. Partly by choice, partly by the latter restrictions imposed by my mum. I do not know if it is because of my many years of being 'friend-less' or simply because I'm hard to please, but I always found my male friends much better company.
They are less bitchy, more understanding & great to just hang out with. They never make you feel bad about yourself by buying the most beautiful & unnecessary things or make you feel like a bloated lard balloon standing beside them. Anyone who is on the same wavelength as them can & will be considered a friend. Men do not judge friends by superficial standards.Days out are cheap as conversation is the main purpose of meetings. Not shopping.
A night out with Nash, Gerald & Evan (Fio was drunk a big part of the night) made me miss my long time male friends. I miss coffee sessions with Edwin, Guowei, Aik Kah & my other talk-cock buddies. Sigh. Those were the days when everyone was close to carefree and meetings were impromptu. We usually get informed just hours, even minutes, beforehand.
Nowadays, we have to make appointments with each other days in advance, if not weeks. Everyone has a life of their own. A future to work hard for. A career is so important to every man. The importance of non-imposing friendships have been greatly neglected. Moments when we just sit down anywhere and talk about our own recent hardships and gain pats on our backs as encouragement. Those were the days.
But prospective partners come along, and obviously they don't get very pleased that their men are hanging out with a female every so often. And being the nice guys that they are, we had to cut down our "la kopi" drastically.
GIRLFRIENDS
I've never had much girlfriends, if any, throughout my years to credit them for their valuable presence, but with the recent (and sudden) increase in girlfriends, there are a few points of a girl-to-girl friendship that I do not particularly enjoy.
I am not saying that my girlfriends are lacking in providing friendship, but their expressions of concern are just vastly different from those you get from buddies. Buddies don't advise unless they are approached. They just listen attentively. They give your unslanted views of how you look in the dress, instead of bitching about how slutty you look. They are the guys who know what guys like in a girl.
Girls on the other hand, tend to give unwanted comments on how you look today. And more often than not, they are of the negative sort. Eg: "You look fat/pregnant today" / "Eeee... What the fuck is that you're wearing?" / "For fuck's sake, your bag doesn't go with your clothes!"
Within minutes of meeting up with them, your sense of self-worth is down by half and you feel like a piece of turd. You start to feel uncomfortable and think that everyone is staring at you because you look ugly. How's that for peer support?
And the usual pastime of shopping is doubly encouraged by pretentious shopping partners taunting you to "buy la! buy la!" whenever you spot something spend-worthy. The same thing applies to fashionable items that you know you can barely afford at the moment, and being "friends" they continue to quip "buy la! buy la!". It may sound like a confirmation at that point, but when you do buy it and wear it the next time you go out together, they'll be saying "Ew! Why are you wearing that?!" So much for constructive shopping comments.
The exact opposite is when they won't let you buy anything and drag you out of the store, stating reasons like you don't need it. Seriously, no one really need that many clothes, but they are shopping and spending all the same. Sometimes I feel that even among close female friends, jealousy exists in great amounts. They nag and complain when you have dough to blow and ask them along on a shopping trip, but vice versa, you're not meant to complain. Good friends don't complain. Bleah.
Some girlfriends like to enforce their fashion sense on you. Even when they have almost none. There is no need to invade personal style just because we're "sisters". You continue paying for your utterly un-needed branded shit, and I'll get what I want.
You'd think that girls would understand their same kind better because they run on the same chocoholic hormones. Nope. If you wear branded, it's just "sat ki" (showy). They seldom understand that if I had the choice, I would like to save cash by buying Asian-cut clothes like Mango too. But I have broad shoulders and a huge arse, so almost nothing but caucasian-cuts can fit me well. Don't call me rich or show-off. I barely make ends meet at times.
Girls also have the tendency to bitch about you behind your back. So unethical, I agree. But even I have succumbed to this habit. Once you get into the clique, it just becomes a natural act. They say it's a "girly thing". With such a widespread of gossiping, secrets are shared sparingly and friendships do not become as close as they should be. That shits me so much. The fear of your deepest, darkest secrets being exposed in public like your toes in a pair of flip-flops make you shy away from personal questions. Everytime someone mentions some case scenario similar to yours, you jump and start to wonder who spilled the beans.
Girlfriends can be the most unforgiving. A slice of your past that is unglamourous is remembered forever and you will be despised and avoided like the plague. I detest that. Everyone has a past. If you think of mine as disgracing, then you're really not fit to be my friend.
But even though there are as many ill habits of female-to-female friendships, I must say, I miss huei. Char-bor, I want to hug you so tight my arms dislocate. =) Not forgetting Kristy, the girl who has been literally dancing with me for so many years. I miss the days when we are all drenched in sweat with muscles aching but we go on practising for hours with the biggest smile on our faces. That satisfaction of performing, especially with like-minded people, is a feeling that can never be replaced with anything else.
CONCULSION
I may not have a lot of friends, but I treasure each one of them dearly and hold them close to my heart. I may not have a lot of money to blow, but you guys should know that I would do anything for you. =)
Please understand when I buy clothes of complete contrast to one another because I have irrepressible urges when my personality switches. Sometimes even to the point of wanting to just buy new clothes off shelves to suit my current mentality. If given a choice, I wouldn't want it either. But this is just the way I am. And if you think I'm bullshitting, please go google "Borderline Personality Disorder" and seriously, stop contacting me.
Almost instantaneously, the day's frizzled angst & moodiness is calmed. Leaving behind a soothed mentality. The invisible personal bubble temporarily constructed through the infusion of beautiful jazz gives me the much needed time to ponder on some personal issues.
Are friends an absolute necessity in life?
BUDDIES
I have almost always been a loner. Partly by choice, partly by the latter restrictions imposed by my mum. I do not know if it is because of my many years of being 'friend-less' or simply because I'm hard to please, but I always found my male friends much better company.
They are less bitchy, more understanding & great to just hang out with. They never make you feel bad about yourself by buying the most beautiful & unnecessary things or make you feel like a bloated lard balloon standing beside them. Anyone who is on the same wavelength as them can & will be considered a friend. Men do not judge friends by superficial standards.Days out are cheap as conversation is the main purpose of meetings. Not shopping.
A night out with Nash, Gerald & Evan (Fio was drunk a big part of the night) made me miss my long time male friends. I miss coffee sessions with Edwin, Guowei, Aik Kah & my other talk-cock buddies. Sigh. Those were the days when everyone was close to carefree and meetings were impromptu. We usually get informed just hours, even minutes, beforehand.
Nowadays, we have to make appointments with each other days in advance, if not weeks. Everyone has a life of their own. A future to work hard for. A career is so important to every man. The importance of non-imposing friendships have been greatly neglected. Moments when we just sit down anywhere and talk about our own recent hardships and gain pats on our backs as encouragement. Those were the days.
But prospective partners come along, and obviously they don't get very pleased that their men are hanging out with a female every so often. And being the nice guys that they are, we had to cut down our "la kopi" drastically.
GIRLFRIENDS
I've never had much girlfriends, if any, throughout my years to credit them for their valuable presence, but with the recent (and sudden) increase in girlfriends, there are a few points of a girl-to-girl friendship that I do not particularly enjoy.
I am not saying that my girlfriends are lacking in providing friendship, but their expressions of concern are just vastly different from those you get from buddies. Buddies don't advise unless they are approached. They just listen attentively. They give your unslanted views of how you look in the dress, instead of bitching about how slutty you look. They are the guys who know what guys like in a girl.
Girls on the other hand, tend to give unwanted comments on how you look today. And more often than not, they are of the negative sort. Eg: "You look fat/pregnant today" / "Eeee... What the fuck is that you're wearing?" / "For fuck's sake, your bag doesn't go with your clothes!"
Within minutes of meeting up with them, your sense of self-worth is down by half and you feel like a piece of turd. You start to feel uncomfortable and think that everyone is staring at you because you look ugly. How's that for peer support?
And the usual pastime of shopping is doubly encouraged by pretentious shopping partners taunting you to "buy la! buy la!" whenever you spot something spend-worthy. The same thing applies to fashionable items that you know you can barely afford at the moment, and being "friends" they continue to quip "buy la! buy la!". It may sound like a confirmation at that point, but when you do buy it and wear it the next time you go out together, they'll be saying "Ew! Why are you wearing that?!" So much for constructive shopping comments.
The exact opposite is when they won't let you buy anything and drag you out of the store, stating reasons like you don't need it. Seriously, no one really need that many clothes, but they are shopping and spending all the same. Sometimes I feel that even among close female friends, jealousy exists in great amounts. They nag and complain when you have dough to blow and ask them along on a shopping trip, but vice versa, you're not meant to complain. Good friends don't complain. Bleah.
Some girlfriends like to enforce their fashion sense on you. Even when they have almost none. There is no need to invade personal style just because we're "sisters". You continue paying for your utterly un-needed branded shit, and I'll get what I want.
You'd think that girls would understand their same kind better because they run on the same chocoholic hormones. Nope. If you wear branded, it's just "sat ki" (showy). They seldom understand that if I had the choice, I would like to save cash by buying Asian-cut clothes like Mango too. But I have broad shoulders and a huge arse, so almost nothing but caucasian-cuts can fit me well. Don't call me rich or show-off. I barely make ends meet at times.
Girls also have the tendency to bitch about you behind your back. So unethical, I agree. But even I have succumbed to this habit. Once you get into the clique, it just becomes a natural act. They say it's a "girly thing". With such a widespread of gossiping, secrets are shared sparingly and friendships do not become as close as they should be. That shits me so much. The fear of your deepest, darkest secrets being exposed in public like your toes in a pair of flip-flops make you shy away from personal questions. Everytime someone mentions some case scenario similar to yours, you jump and start to wonder who spilled the beans.
Girlfriends can be the most unforgiving. A slice of your past that is unglamourous is remembered forever and you will be despised and avoided like the plague. I detest that. Everyone has a past. If you think of mine as disgracing, then you're really not fit to be my friend.
But even though there are as many ill habits of female-to-female friendships, I must say, I miss huei. Char-bor, I want to hug you so tight my arms dislocate. =) Not forgetting Kristy, the girl who has been literally dancing with me for so many years. I miss the days when we are all drenched in sweat with muscles aching but we go on practising for hours with the biggest smile on our faces. That satisfaction of performing, especially with like-minded people, is a feeling that can never be replaced with anything else.
CONCULSION
I may not have a lot of friends, but I treasure each one of them dearly and hold them close to my heart. I may not have a lot of money to blow, but you guys should know that I would do anything for you. =)
Please understand when I buy clothes of complete contrast to one another because I have irrepressible urges when my personality switches. Sometimes even to the point of wanting to just buy new clothes off shelves to suit my current mentality. If given a choice, I wouldn't want it either. But this is just the way I am. And if you think I'm bullshitting, please go google "Borderline Personality Disorder" and seriously, stop contacting me.
Shelly breathed again at 12:26 AM
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