Shelly Lives...

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2006-04-23T14:45:00.000+08:00

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I'm shifting!

2006-04-01T20:58:00.000+08:00

After fiddling with Wordpress for a couple of days, I have decided to shift. My new address is http://shellylives.wordpress.com and I'll be porting old entries over too.

I like categories. I always did. And now, I have them!! Yeah!!

Please update your feeds accordingly. Sorry for any inconvenience caused. :)

an event-filled day

2006-04-01T02:28:00.000+08:00

How much can a girl do in a day? Well, technically speaking, I am not a girl anymore since I am officially an adult and also married. But anyway, back to my good but tiring day.

Day started early at noon when Marco called me saying that he was done with school and wanted to come over to my place for a visit. Ok lor. I was feeling hungry anyway, so we went to packet (affectionately known locally as "ta bao") lunch back to my place to eat. From thereon, we chat and swigged a couple BIG bottles of beer until 7 or so. Wah. It's quite surprising how much 2 friends can talk about, considering one is male and the other is female. But I must say I love him a hell lot and my Hubs knows that. Marco is one of my closest buddies ever, and we share everything with each other.

He called up one of his friends, De Wei, and we went out over to Marina South for dinner. Can't say I enjoyed the food, because I never really did like working for my food. I just like to be served and to eat. *acts like a plump version of Paris Hilton* But I must say the company was great, albeit being a bit chao beng because of all the Hokkien bantering. Fun! Thanks guys for the great company.

We were done stuffing ourselves at 10.30pm, and I proceeded to Wine Arcade at Mackenzie Road to meet Lexandria, whom Hubs and I affectionately call aB (because her name is hard to pronounce lah).

The place was damn ulu, like the sort of place where u would get raped in, and I would have gladly stopped to take a photo to show you guys except that it was quite creepy, so I didn't. There is no civilisation in sight. No place for me to get a drink. No place for me to buy smokes. And, obviously, no ATM. Pui.

I had a free glass of red wine courtesy of (tikopeh) Jimmy, one of the shareholders there. I don't really want to state the tikopeh part, but heck, he really is a bit of a perv. So there. I swigged my glass of wine, gave it a good sniff, and asked him if it was a Cab Sauv (Cabernet Sauvignon, for the non-wine peeps), and PRESTO, I was right!

Wah. I feel like such a wine connoisseur! But the truth is, I appreciate wine but don't particularly enjoy it. In fact, truth be told, I don't enjoy alcohol of any sort. Except for a well mixed Vodka Cranberry. I just don't like the taste of alcohol.

He didn't specify what Cab Sauv it was, year, brand, or anything at all, but it's good red for those who like something smooth and full. Slightly fruity, and quite spicy as well. Unfortunately, I hate spicy. Leaves a feeling and taste in my mouth that I don't enjoy. But thanks for the free drink anyways!! :)

I then walked all the way to Mustafa to meet Hubs. For the ill-informed, Mackenzie Road is near Little India MRT station, so it's not all that far. I got my black hair dye, and should be torturing my scalp and hair roots soonish. I can't stand this fragmented colour on my head no more, and I have no idea what kinky colour to do next. So it's back to basics. Black. See me in my new black head soon!

To think about it, if redheads are called redheads, then if I dye my hair black, am I a blackhead??? *enjoys a bimbo moment all to myself*

Chilli crab surprise!

2006-03-30T22:34:00.000+08:00

Hubs was supposed to come home tonight with dinner, and my specified choice was duck rice. But who knew that he was going to come back with duck rice AND CHILLI CRAB?!? Yummy!!

I've been craving for chilli crab for months, but just never found the motivation to eat it outdoors due to the mess I would have gotten myself into from eating it. And since the car has been sold since November 2005, it was a bit of a trouble buying it back to have it at home.

Fortunately, Hubs is resourceful and found a coffee shop nearby that sells chilli crab at 3 for $15, and he brought it back as a surprise for me!! Yeah! I'm a happy girl today.

In my excitement, I reached for my phone and sms-ed Sylvia to tell her about my yummy dinner treat.

"I got chilli crab 4 dnr! Heh heh... Wat abt u?"

Then mindlessly, I selected her number and sent it.

5 seconds later, Hubs' mobile went off. I realise that I had sent the message to him instead because I was just so darn used to sending messages to him. Giggling, I re-sent the message to Sylvia. This time, correctly.

Once I had the message out, I received a message from Hubs.

"Same. So coincident."

We laughed ourselves silly together. I think once in a while, love is kind of a nice feeling to have... Pity it doesn't happen often enough, but once in a while is better than none. :)

Sakae Home Delivery

2006-03-29T23:34:00.000+08:00

For dinner tonight, we ordered Sakae Sushi home delivery. We decided upon the Value Set A, so I proceeded to make a list of the items I want.

I was told by the very nice customer service officer from the hotline, that the food would arrive around 9.50pm, but by 9.21pm there was a young man standing at me door watching me bitch over the phone with my dad's girlfriend.

Unfortunately, I only had $42 with me, and the bill was $46.90 (including delivery surcharge of $5). Hubs was supposed to get home before the food got here, but apparently he didn't. Hmmph. So frickin embarrassing. I had to drag the 21-year-old delivery guy down to the ATM with me so that I could pay him.

10 minutes after I got home from withdrawing cash, Hubs got home. Then it was food time!! You wanna see what we had? Heh heh.

Nice right?? Pardon about some of the half-eaten food, we were both quite hungry and I only decided to take the pictures half-way through the meal. Oh, the set includes 2 drinks (not shown in picture). It is so affordable and we don't even have to get out of the house!! Now we can have Sakae Sushi even if it rains! No more long queues outside Sakae! Yeah!

destructive dreams

2006-03-29T14:38:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had dreams so scary that you wake and still feel the fear pumping through your veins? Do you still think that you are in that same situation, running for your life and being cast into a world of chaos and blood?

I had that. Two nights in a row.

The world was ending.

Chemical warfare one night. And a big flood not unlike the kind Moses faced on the second night.

Families destroyed. Lovers parted. Separated by life and death. Mothers lose their children. Children lost their parents.

Utter chaos. Bloodshed. Cries of pain and the pain of loss.

Would someone please come lighten up my day? I just can't shake off the eerie feeling. Especially not after two consecutive nights of such horrid dreams.

I woke up this morning, and the first thing I told Hubs was: "The world is ending."

push and shove

2006-03-27T18:48:00.000+08:00

Give me motivation, please.

I do not know why it is that I'd rather make my fingers type out random shit on my blog than to work them on my currently 1697-word essay.

I know the reason is simple. I can blog whatever crap I want, but essay writing's gotta stick to the assignment guidelines. Argh. I'm still feeling so frustrated over the inconsiderate and irresponsible project-mate. I know frustration isn't going to get me anywhere, and if I just mull over it all day, I'm going to be as childish and immature as he is. But seriously, can you blame me for feeling this way?

Sometimes I'm really glad for the existence of my blog. A place for complaints that go nowhere. Especially on days when I just want to go on and on but Hubs is busy at work and I really don't want to bother him too much with all these trivial matters. Of course, having some friends pop by and drop nice little notes definitely brightens up my day loads.

Throughout the whole of last week, I've been feeling down and crappy. (Therefore explaining the lack of posts, but the increase in diary entries.) I write a lot when I'm down. Mostly complains and contemplations on my part, but it definitely helps to get it off my chest. I'm really glad for nice people who try hard not to step on my tail and being very understanding. Shout-outs to Sylvia, GGYY and huei for the Internet-based encouragement and love. Thank gawd for MSN sometimes. We can be so far, and yet so near without disrupting our own lives.

that cheebye kia and diet updates

2006-03-27T18:01:00.000+08:00

I'm referring to my projectmate for your information. That bastard bailed out. The project deadline is tomorrow, so I hardly think he's going to contribute anything, even though he sms-ed me on Friday and said that he would do it nonetheless and I'll take whatever I want. BULLSHIT!

I religiously check my email everyday and I still receive jackshit from him. Har. I knew it. He's probably just saying that he would do it just for courtesy's sake. So now 100% of the project falls on me. Thank gawd I'm already 70% through it.

So tell me now, nice people, should I omit his name from the project? He's not contributed a single alphabet to it, but I could still be nice and leave his name there.

Comments, please.

--- --- ---

On other news, I am becoming skinny. Not your conventional supermodel skinny, but I have lost weight like I never have since I was 18. My ribcage is starting to show, my shoulders feel all bony and my ass seems to less than a handful these days. Truth be told, I haven't been having the best diet habits eversince December, and I'm suffering the after-effects of it. My gastric pains are back. :(

Whoever said having regular meals is good is a fucktard. Nowadays if I don't have breakfast due to my sleeping in late, I'll wake up with nasty gastric pains. Like that day when I woke at 2pm with a gnawing pain in my tummy and I had to raid the kitchen for instant food.

I feel so controlled by my stomach.

I have to eat even when I don't feel like it. Even the most delicious cuisines don't tempt me these days. I just have no appetite. And I have to force myself to down the food because I can already predict the shit I'll be in if I don't eat.

Tell me, why is life like that??! Can't a girl just not eat when she doesn't feel like it?

sucko nachos

2006-03-23T22:39:00.000+08:00

It's been years since I had Primo Nachos from Orange Julius. When I was out at the Metro Expo Sale this evening, I had a craving for it after seeing the succulent photo of it on the Nachos machine. So I did the thing any woman with cravings would do. I ordered it.

Unfortunately, the Nachos of yore was no longer the same.

The juicy chunks of beef could not be found anywhere in the whole serving of Nachos. The cheese was not warm and melty. In fact, it was almost solidifying after a few minutes of being on the table. The sour cream was cold. The salsa was cold as well, and sorely lacking in tomato chunks.

Verdict? I'm never ever ordering Primo Nachos again.

Bliss or miss?

2006-03-23T11:24:00.000+08:00

According to a quiz from iVillage.com,

You've scored a man worth standing by:
Your mate hits the mark most of the time (with only the occasional stray from the target). If you've been a team for a while, diaper duty and dish detail may have dimmed the romantic fire between the two of you somewhat. If so, start rekindling that heat with a date night, a weekend away or just locking the bedroom door and playing strip Scrabble -- without the kids wailing for water. You need to get back to the basics -- the two of you!

We need dating time!! I know!! We do!!
All your weekends are belong to me!! And NO EXCUSES!
Particularly THIS weekend.

But on the other hand, another quiz says:

Your man better get it together: It's time he showed you some love.

Orh. Ok. I actually think so too. Not saying that my man doesn't love me, but it's just men (especially men like him) have specific difficulties expressing and showing their love.

Some tips to any guys who could be reading this:

1. Hugs and kisses are nice and sweet, so do them frequently, in public or in private. Show the world how much you love your woman and you're not afraid to express it anytime anywhere.

2. Make time for her. This one should be a no-brainer, but unfortunately our fast paced society doesn't awaken your emotional being like it should. Despite your unwillingness to spend a day out with her doing something both of you would enjoy, just do it nonetheless, and you might just be duly rewarded. ;p

3. Always tell her how beautiful she is to you. Fuck it if she doesn't fall into the media's ideal of beauty, if she is to you, let her know. Especially when she dresses up just to go out with you.

4. Tell her how much you appreciate what she does for you. Likewise, tell her nicely what you would like to see changed. Nobody likes to go around in a relationship like a headless housefly. Reward her efforts and you'll definitely see the relationship heading to where you want it.

5. Last but not least, be honest. It's hard to admit to her that you would rather hang out with the boys than to go shopping with her, but tell her anyway and plan to do something together another day. And naturally, you should keep that promise. Don't say something unless you plan to do it. Disappointment in a partner kills the relationship slowly because insecurity starts to rear its ugly head in time to come.

Remember to love your partner in every way you can. Give them a call just to say how much you miss and love her. Shower her with love within your abilities with gifts, romantic dinners, long strolls filled with laughter and open communication. Nobody wishes to take second place to anything else, no matter how much we know we shouldn't be first priority. Everyone wants to mean something to someone. Men want to be the only one in a woman's heart and mind, not to mention her body. Women want to feel like their the apple of their men's eyes. We all crave the same attention and affection, regardless of gender. So why do we not give what we wish to recieve?

This society kills with its expectations and busy schedules. It's time to slow down and just do nothing at all for a day except to love each other in every single way possible. Shouldn't you be doing that this weekend?

"A Scanner Darkly"

2006-03-22T17:31:00.000+08:00

I'm saying this MONTHS in advance. I want to watch "A Scanner Darkly".

See the bloody cool trailer here. You know you HAVE to watch it.

If you're wondering how they get that effect, it's called "interpolated rotoscoping". So profound. But simply put, it's recorded like any other movie, but added in with animations on top of the entire film. So much effort, but so shit worth it.

Oh. And this must be Keanu Reeves in his hottest form EVER.

HELP REQUIRED!

2006-03-22T13:40:00.000+08:00

I am seeking for people who fall into the below age groups of 12 to 18 and 31 to 40. If you have any close friends or family who happen to fit the criteria, please help by downloading the file and asking them to help me fill it up.

I urgently require them for my darned SBS project.

You can either highlight the text in the Word document, or type out the answer in an email message or text file. Please email the completed survey back to shell_shush@yahoo.com.sg.

Thank you!

To download file, right-click here and select "Save As".

when it all gets too much

2006-03-21T22:02:00.000+08:00

What happens when there's just too much shit for you to handle?

Do you take it all in and bow down to Fate? Or do you throw it all in the face of Fate and refuse to accept anything that is beyond your ability?

And what if you are stuck between the two? Where do you go then? Do you just sit on the fence and wait endlessly until an answer comes to you?

I do.

Now it's just a battle between what I know should be, and what I really want.

Does anyone understand me?

Birthday wish-wash

2006-03-18T15:15:00.000+08:00

Friday, 17th of March, was my dad's birthday and I woke up bright and early (which has been a daily habit since 2 weeks ago) to send him a birthday greeting through sms. However, Hubs (with his goldfish memory) had forgotten to send my dad his well-wishes. So this morning, I reminded him and he prompted sent my dad an sms.

My dad replied with this: "Thank you, my son, i'm willing to accept your wash."

Hubs and I just laughed our bloody heads off after reading the message. Unable to contain our tickled laughter, he called my dad and told him about the typo. Then he asked my dad, "Pa, what you want me to wash for you?"

My dad was equally humoured by his own spelling error and all of us just had a good laugh out of it.

Remember, one alphabet can make a HELL lot of different. ;p

imprisoned in confusion

2006-03-16T15:03:00.000+08:00

normality
please come back to me
sanity to rule my mind
emotions just run too wild for me

I can't take it
why do I torture myself so
asking questions
that need no answers at all

please stop
put an end to it all
there is more to do today
above all this self-confusion

caught in a deadlock
that goes nowhere
that doesn't end
possibly a self-fulfilling prophecy

mind races
like a million shooting stars
from all directions
but no wishes granted

such irony of life
when I could possibly
be the one who
misled myself from the start

darkest day from within

2006-03-16T14:39:00.000+08:00

Maybe this is just a bad day for a self-deserving bad girl.

And should the mother of all fuck-ups decide to knock on my door,
things could get a lot worse than this.

I don't need this now.
I don't need this ever.

So fuck off and let me live my life the way it should have been.

--- --- ---

Rachel Yamagata sings my blues
voicing out my emotions
as if she knows me inside out
creepily comforting

I bruise easily too
just like Natasha Bedingfield
black and blue
from heart to soul

the trouble with love is
it can tear you up inside
I can't agree more
with Kelly Clarkson

I drive myself crazy
thinking about us
dreaming too far
pull me back to earth please

such irony
that music made for the masses
could reflect my thoughts
down to the last detail

deja vu
whilst scrolling down songs
contemplation
of what I know will come next

multi-tasking

2006-03-15T18:29:00.000+08:00

You know you've been multi-tasking for too long when you grab the mouse on your right and try to use it to switch TV channels.

Then, just like an idiot all over again, move the remote control around and wonder why your cursor isn't moving at all.

Time for a nap, I think.

gender preferences

2006-03-15T14:28:00.000+08:00

There's some movie showing on Channel 5 called "Jack and Sarah" and it's about this single father with a tiny little baby girl. Scenes of the daddy bathing with the baby and how they have an unseen bond between them is quite touching.

Or it could simply be the maternal instincts kicking in.

The baby girl is so darn cute that it seems to have changed my mind about only having boys. I think having a girl shouldn't be too bad, my only concern being that I never really know how to handle females, no matter how young or old they are.

I have more male friends than female, and I am often closer to them. We confide in each other honestly and share lots of laughter together. I'm not saying that I can share experiences like that with the girls, but it is quite hard to find females who are as open as males. Even my swearing becomes a problem when I converse with women. Men, no sweat, they take it like it's nothing at all.

I guess it all boils down to having 23 years of bad experience with females that have twisted my mind to only wanting to have baby boys. But then again, nature doesn't exactly let us choose. What can happen is that we can time ovulation and try and impregnant me there and then, therefore allowing the Y (male) sperm to have a headstart from the X (female) sperm. Hopefully the sperm that makes it to the finishing line would be a Y one and, VOILA!, we'll definitely be having a boy.

However, accidents do happen and there are X sperms that probably "swim" faster than Y sperms. We'll just have to leave it all to fate and see what card it deals us. Up til now, we haven't exactly been having very good baby luck. My fears could be unfounded, but who knows, some time down the road when we want to try for a baby again, I might be rendered infertile.

All this baby talk is making me want to plunge into the unknown abyss and try for a baby straight away. Fortunately I can't do it alone cos I'll need Hubs' sperm, so he'll be the one to wake me up to my senses and help us stick to our plans. But a baby would be so nice... :'(

another day bright and early

2006-03-15T14:16:00.000+08:00

I got up bright and early again this morning. 8am. Good girl. *pats own head*

Breakfast was satisfying but definitely not as romantic as the other day. I think his urgency to head to work was a crucial factor in affecting the mood.

Now the laundry is spinning in the machine and there's a very nice breeze coming in from the door. Nice cool afternoon. I wish I could be at the beach just soaking up the sun and sea. That would be very nice, except that without Hubs the experience just wouldn't seem complete.

If only everyday was as tranquil as this.

wah! Google Mars!

2006-03-14T09:26:00.000+08:00

Just go to Google, and click on the banner. Then *WAH*, can see Mars leh!!

Not that I can foresee any good reason for viewing a big mass of red land that we will never ever visit. But nonetheless, it's worth that 10 seconds of amazement.

wasted trip

2006-03-13T12:33:00.000+08:00

So bright and early I awoke and got myself ready for school. Truth be told, I haven't been attending classes for a couple of weeks and the day I decide to be a good girl again, life stabs me in the back.

I got to school to find out that there were NO CLASSES FOR THE DAY! Bloody hell. And to think I travelled all the way to Queenstown to fulfill my duties as a student...

Thank you Mr.DJ for checking with your "china vegetable" with regards to why the fookin lecture room was locked.

I have no frickin contacts in this particular class because:
1) I am an anti-social bitch who sits in one corner of the room alone.
2) I don't communicate well with foreigners, which populate the majority of the class.
3) I don't appear in classes often enough to know anyone anyway.
4) People usually think I have attitude problem, thus they don't approach me. Which I don't deny that maybe I do.
5) I just don't frickin care.

So there. And thus, if class gets cancelled last minute again, I will make ANOTHER wasted trip down to Queenstown, because:
1) MDIS can't be shit bothered to inform each and every student of lesson changes. Not through email, not through phone.
2) nobody who knows about the changes would call me, as nobody knows me.

morning moanings

2006-03-13T08:02:00.000+08:00

If you're thinking what I'm thinking, nope, I didn't just get a morning shag. I'm just going to moan about how a certain 13-year-old kid has been cramming up our bedspace and causing us to wake at irregular hours.

That kid is my brother.

He's been staying with us since Friday night, and thankfully, he's only been sleeping in our bed the last two nights. No thanks to that hellish game DOOM 3. I told Hubs not to let him play that!! Nightmares run in the family. My mum used to get it, and I still do. So naturally, I know what my bro should avoid to prevent horrid dreams.

It feels really cramped and warm with some mini teenager in bed with us, despite the fact that we had the air-con on and it's actually a Queen-sized bed. Thankfully, that didn't deter us from having sex over the weekend, cos we sneaked in some after our Sunday breakfast while the kid was gaming on Hubs' Powerbook. What is a weekend without any sex?!?

Well, come Tuesday evening, he'll be going back home to my dad. Then we'll have the whole bed to ourselves again!

Don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but I seriously think he's a tad too old to be bunking in with us. Time to learn independance, man. Need someone to hug in bed? Wait a couple more years, then get a girlfriend. I'm sure my dad will be really cool about his girlfriend staying over. Provided the girl's parents are fine with their daughter sleeping with a guy in her teenage years. =p

Now it's time to wake the sleepy Hubs and have a nice sexy shower with him before we head out for the day.

morning greetings!

2006-03-13T07:44:00.000+08:00

So what is this global phenomenon where people greet you with "Good Moaning" instead of the age-old "Good Morning"? Even my friend who's currently in Bristol, UK, says the same thing. Likewise my godbrother who's working in Penang.

Once in a bloody long while that I logon MSN in the early morning (read: real morning, not wee hours after midnight) and I get multiple greetings of "Good Moaning". So my reaction?

"I moaned yesterday liao."

Most of them asked me to save them the details. Harhar. That's what you get when you don't wish me good morning properly!

something surprising

2006-03-10T20:20:00.000+08:00

Will anything interesting happen this weekend?
I didn't think so earlier, but now it already has!

Yummy Hubs! Yummy Hubs!

breakfast evokes weird feelings

2006-03-09T10:21:00.000+08:00

Recalling the times when we were newly a couple, there were lots of coffee talks and early breakfasts. The couplings always led to one outcome, unbearable partings that couldn't be avoided. I guess it was shortly after all that momentary heartbreaks that you kept asking me to stay overnight at your place, night after night, until I was eventually staying there.

This morning brought back alot of those sweet memories. It is on such rare occassions that we leisurely enjoy breakfast together outside. I think it made me extra happy that my craving for fried fish was satisfied.

The intermittent kisses at the traffic lights and while waiting for your bus were so sweet and uplifting that I think I'm still floating right now. How is it possible that I can love you so much? Could love really be blind? If so, am I considered handicapped?

You make me almost as vulnerable as someone who is blind and defenceless. I just hope love makes me strong as much as it makes me weak. Likewise, I hope our love makes you strong to handle your daily shit and pull through the day to come home to me.

The grind of daily life has gotten all of us down, but it got to you the worse, with you slogging your guts out for this family. Hard work doesn't always beget high pay, but at least you are fortunate to be able to earn your bosses' appreciation and respect.

Everyday I wish I could help alleviate your stress, and I probably can by getting employed somewhere, but why do you condone me so by letting me laze around doing nothing? I know you love me, but am I really doing you any good by being this way?

I don't have anything to offer to you, except for my love. On some days, I start to wonder if that is enough in return for all that you give me. Such questions that I know you never want me to ask myself.

So today, I will aspire to be a good wife and finally change up the bedsheets and wash them. Meanwhile, I'll clean up the floor and wipe down the furniture as well. Come tomorrow, I'll be your cute little lazy wife again. :p

(Hasn't it been long since you came home and found me still sleeping soundly in bed? Is it that you've just been working too late, or is it that I've been waking up earlier these days?)

while Hubs is out at play

2006-03-06T23:16:00.000+08:00

Hubs is out drinking with "the boys" and I'm stuck at home watching the fucking boring Oscars. I would go drinking with them too, if not for the fact that the places they frequent are what people would term as "la sup bars" with cheesey Canto tunes which are a COMPLETE turn-off. What makes the music worse is the fact that the customers there SING them. Yup. It's karaoke. *cringe*

If they would hop over to a place like Este (where the DJ is my friend) I would gladly grace them with my presence. Este is a Canto place as well, but at least the songs are performed by professionals and not some random "Ah Lian" or "Ah Beng". And in between the band's sets, the DJ spins hip-hop/R&B/house. At least part of my time there can be spent dancing.

Well, less complaining and more constructive blabber.

The Oscars are boring, like every other movie awards show. People talk talk talk and talk. *yawns* At least with music awards you get to watch performances. I think the bore factor for the Oscars is comparative to our Parliament speeches.

And Dolly Parton is SCARY looking. Ewww. Skeletal with humongous tits (obviously fake). She's talented, I don't deny it. But having talent doesn't let you get away looking like a botoxed pinhead Barbie Doll.

everything looks familiar?

2006-03-06T22:15:00.000+08:00

If you've been a reading my blog since last year, you would have seen this blog template before. Yes, I'm "recycling" it.

I've been forced by circumstances to use this simple template because some funny advertising thing hacked into my previous purple template and corrupted my beautiful blogpage.

If you're not one of those who saw the damage, this is what it looked like:

So now I have re-used my old template, because it will definitely be up faster than if I choose a new template and upload all the images and fonts and insert all the HTML into my Blogger Template and align it all out nicely and check that it's easy on the readers' eyes and add in my links, Fizbox, Flickr and then FINALLY republish my whole blog to complete the template change process. *deep breath in*

OK. So bear with this template while I continue to source for a nice template that suits my blog. If all else fails, I'll at least make a new banner ok?

some sleepless night

2006-03-03T04:44:00.000+08:00

It's been some time since I had a sleepless night. For the longest time, my eyes have been tempted to surrender themselves to sweet sleep with each unoccupied moment. But tonight, ah, the tables seem to have turned.

Despite the endless coaxing I did to myself in bed, it only led to repeated tossing and turning. Hubs had already long gone to dreamland, smacking his sweet lips to a well-deserved rest after a long day.

I must admit that it's been a long time since I got so agitated about not being able to sleep. Such circumstances haven't occurred for ages, so much so that I have forgotten what it feels like to suffer from insomnia. I think I'll have to blame the Prozac for that. Insomnia is one of the common side effects of taking the drug.

My mind seems to swarm with endless thoughts on the same few issues. I'm getting tired of working my brains over questions that have no desirable answers. It's like a vicious cycle. Getting an answer that you don't want to accept, and then asking yourself another question with regards to the answer that you don't want. And it goes on.

They say the brightest minds get plagued by the worst elements of the human mind. Our own logic against our emotions. A fight within ourselves. A struggle hardest to solve. Sadly, I don't feel like the brightest bulb around. Never did, never will. There are plenty of people who have talents WAY more admirable than mine.

And so the night goes on, talking to myself through cyberspace. I could go on forever, but I doubt anyone would be interested to read anything I regurgitate from depths of my soul. The world is looking for humour, for entertainment, for something to distract themselves from their daily mundane lives. And I am being completely boring right now.

how does my Hubs love me?

2006-03-03T00:36:00.000+08:00

Let me count the ways...

1) He comes home straight after work for me, cos he thinks I may be bored at home everyday. Because of this, he sometimes decline drinking sessions with the boys.

2) He never fails to buy dinner home to feed me, although as the wife I should be making dinner, not just plainly eating it.

3) He would never reject going out of the way to buy something I want to eat, even if it means walking all the way back from Lavender Foodcourt.

4) If I should ever not be able to decide what to have, he'll always bring back something nice. No horrible surprises there. =)

5) Sometimes, when the florist at the market downstairs have flowers that I like, he'll buy them back together with the weekend breakfast or lunch.

6) Throughout the hours when he's at home, he'll crack jokes or play with me to make me laugh. I really like the way he can lighten up my days (or nights in this case) by doing something so simple.

7) He always tries to deliver what he promises. Although on occassions, he has forgotten or has to postpone due to work, he always tries to make up for it. And of course, not forgetting to apologise after making me wait in anticipation.

8) He never fails to remember what it is that's on my shopping list and get it for me. Like my beloved, long-lost Schwarzkopf Bonacure shampoo and conditioner! 1 litre bottles! Haha! Now I can wash my hair as often as I like!!

9) He showers me with kisses and hugs!! I like!!

10) He always notices when I'm lacking in pocket money and leaves some in a conspicuous place before he goes to work.

11) He makes sure that our kitchen is filled with little munchies for me. Canned soup, Coco pops, popcorn, Calbee snacks, ice cream... So much so that we have more snacks than actual food!

I think I've finally learnt contentment through the little things in life that we all tend to overlook and take for granted.

Is there something or someone in your daily life that you should be grateful for?

the opposite of Johari Window

2006-03-02T20:18:00.000+08:00

Here's the Nohari Window for those who want to know what their flaws are. I'm tempted to start another one to know my flaws, but was wondering if you guys will be sick of filling up another one. =p

So being the nice person I am, I just share the link and let it go. *haha*

random updates on life these days

2006-03-02T01:58:00.000+08:00

Feeling off-whack. No matter how much sleep I get I still feel tired.
Probably just kenna whacked by life in the face and back.
In my face whenever I go headlong into some brand new decision, like deciding to work as a waitress in some restaurant/bar chain.
In my back cos life stabs me in the back when I least expect it.
But then again life's a bitch, and we all know that.

Time to start on SBS (Social Behavioural Studies) project, but my partner-in-crime is missing. Ooi, my cute angmoh boy, don't kanasai and go missing leh! We need to start on our "Internet Addiction Impairs Social Growth"!!

It is also HIGH time that I drag my lazy arse down to school for TDMC classes. I've been so slack that I don't even know what I'm supposed to do for my project. If it's a group collaboration, I'm FUCKED. I've only been to TDMC class ONCE, thus proving that I definitely won't know ANYONE in class. Others, as I noticed during that ONE class when I was there, have already clustered up in little juvenile packs.

Having a home of your own is SWELL. Sleeping in til the sun goes down. Mind you, it's go down, not come up. That pretty much tells you what I've been doing at home everyday.

I probably should feel embarrassed about it, but I'm not. Gawd knows why.

My daily activities for the past week can be summed up in a few simple words:

sleep
eat
TV
internet
Hubs (you know what I'm referring to)
reading
chatting

So there. If only life was so simple each day. =p

Which reminds me... Did I brush my teeth this morning?? *scratches head*
Oh. I was still asleep in the morning. I woke at 4pm. Hahaha.

Johari Window

2006-03-02T01:45:00.000+08:00

Now it's my turn! Do the test for me, please?

To view the current results, click here.

Although I seriously think that if you don't have at least 30 people doing this test for you, the results won't be too accurate. So far I've contributed for Puny and Ivory, and it does seem quite true for them. Fill in mine, please! Thank you in advance!

some meme thing

2006-03-02T00:15:00.000+08:00

Minus 1% for everything that you've done.
Then repost as your %.
[ start with 100%]

1.Smoked.
2.Drank alcohol.
3.Cried when someone died.
4.Been drunk.
5.Had sex.
6.Been to a concert.
7.Given a handjob/gotten a handjob.
8.Given a blowjob/gotten a blowjob.
9.Been verbally sexually harassed.
10.Verbally sexually harassed somebody.
11.Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12.Laughed so hard something came outof yournose.
13.Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriendbefore.
14.Been cheated on by aboyfriend/girlfriend.
15.Been to prom.
16.Cried at school.
17.Gotten lost in a WalMart or adepartment store.
18.Went streaking.
19.Given a lap dance.
20.Had someone of the opposite sex inyour room.
21.Had someone of the opposite sexsleep over.
22.Slept over at someone of the oppositesex'shouse.
23.Kissed a stranger.
24.Hugged a stranger.
25.Went scuba diving.
26.Driven a car.
27.Gotten an xray.
28.Hit by a car.
29.Had a party.
30.Done drugs.
31.Played strip poker.
32.Got paid to strip for someone.
33.Ran away from home.
34.Broken a bone.
35.Eaten sushi.
36.Bought porn.
37.Watched porn.
38.Made porn.
39.Had a crush on someone of the samesex.
40.Been in love.
41.Frenched kissed.
42.Laughed so hard you cried.
43.Cried yourself to sleep.
44.Laughed yourself to sleep.
45.Stabbed yourself.
46.Shot a gun.
47.Trash talked someone and then actedlike theirbest friend the next day.
48.Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
49.Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
50.Watched an animal die.
51.Watched a person die.
52.Kissed and/or messed aroundsomewhere withat least 1 person present.
53.Pranked somebody.
54.Put somebody in the hospital.
55.Snuck into someone's room and/oryour ownroom after being out.
56.Kissed somebody of the same sex.
57.Dressed punk.
58.Dressed goth.
59.Dressed preppy.
60.Been to a motocross race.
61.Avoided somebody.
62.Been stalked.
63.Stalked someone.
64.Met a celebrity.
65.Played an instrument.
66.Ridden a horse.
67.Cut yourself.
68.Bungee jumped.
69.Ding dong ditched somebody.
70.Been to a wild party.
71.Got caught stealing something.
72.Kicked a guy in the balls.
73.Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from afriend.
74.Went out with your friend's crush.
75.Got arrested.
76.Been pregnant.
77.Babysat.
78.Been to another country.
79.Started your house on fire.
80.Had an encounter with a ghost.
81.Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82.Been asked out by someone that youneverthough you'd to be asked out by.
83.Cried over a member of the oppositesex.
84.Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3months.
85.Sat on your ass all day.
86.Ate a whole carton of ice cream all byyourself.
87.Had a job.
88.Gotten cut from a sports team.
89.Been called a wh0re.
90.Danced like a wh0re.
91.Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92.Been in a car accident.
93.Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94.Been told you have beautiful hair.
95.Raped somebody.
96.Danced in the rain.
97.Been rejected.
98.Walked out of a restaurant withoutpaying.
99.Punched someone/slapped someonein theface.
100.Been raped.

My score: 24%

Oh my fucking God. So what does this mean huh?!?
(Courtesy to eileen cos I nicked it from her blog.)

I was contemplating that maybe I should SHOW which are the items that apply to me, but after going through half the list, I thought maybe not. I don't really want EVERY-fucking-one to know all the shit I've done, or am still doing.

But I have a question. If I've done something more than once, do I deduct 1% for EACH individual time I've done it?? If that's the case, I'm probably -500%. *devil's horns starts to show on top of my head*

retarded local sex news

2006-02-28T23:37:00.000+08:00

I had no idea that the "stolen mobile phone with sex videos inside" had blown to such gargantuan proportions without me even knowing anything about it. I mean, where the fuck have I been?!?!

When I read the commentaries posted by myloh and Puny on their blogs, I was scratching my head repeatedly, wondering what the FOOK they were talking about.

Only yesterday when I checked Tomorrow.sg did I find out that the story is all over the place. Of course, being the nosey-parker (read:kaypo chee) that I am, I sourced high and low for the alleged home-made porn. It was easily downloaded by Hubs from Limewire, thus proving how "popular" the clips have become.

As a regular viewer of *ahem* pornography, I must say the angle at which they shot their tryst was extremely unhelpful for anyone who was keen to masturbate to the video. Firstly, the close-ups don't show much other than a slighted view of the ins and outs. But the female lead's "creaminess" was undoubtedly a sign of her sexuality. Simply put, she must have been damned turned on! *heh heh* Trust me, I would know. ;p The clips also show how "all-rounded" she is in the sack, providing pleasure to her man throughout all her available orifices. Wah. I heard that liberal and professional behaviour like that is highly rare in local women. But then again, I ALSO CAN!

With regards to the accidentally publicly exposed nature of the video contents, I don't give a damn. This girl obviously was kinky enough to make a sex video with her man, but not smart enough to back-up the copy elsewhere. Let's face it, it is common knowledge that phones get lost or stolen quite often. Giving her the benefit of doubt, say she NEVER EVER lost her phone before, it would still have been a wise choice to back-up the video. You never know when your phone would "commit suicide" and die on you. And I'd presume you'd really want to keep the video as a momento of your relationship with your well-endowed boyfriend. Really convenient for those days when you're single and need some personal memories to get you off.

I've NEVER lost my mobile phone before, or gotten it stolen, but I ALWAYS transfer my kinky videos and pictures over to my laptop and save it in some inconspicuous folder for future enjoyment. That's what smart people do.

Well, the local community is reacting very adversely to the whole shebang of "17-year-old girl lost her phone containing sex videos of herself and is now very distressed that the clips have gotten out to the mass media", but balls la. Blame it on her luck. Or stupidity for that matter. At least some people have commented that she looks cute. Some others have commented that she seems like she knows how to suck cock. Eh, compliments ok!? Only the girls seem to leave degrading remarks like "she's a slut", "she got small tits", blah blah blah. I say HECK IT, at least she's getting some and she's not afraid to make it into porn. It's a pity that the nation got a share in her goodies and her sexual capabilities, but hell, she's definitely gonna get picked up DAMN often in clubs for the next few years!

SKYPE!

2006-02-24T20:14:00.000+08:00

I've finally downloaded SKYPE. Ok. So I'm slow. But I never got SKYPE because I didn't know anyone who was using it. I still don't. So, anyone here interested to test out my SKYPE with me?!?

My SKYPE name is shell_shush. Add me, and we'll start talking!

homo humour!

2006-02-16T19:32:00.000+08:00

Jokes that only the non-straight will understand.

Go visit Mr. Gisby's Totally Gay Pet Shop!

2006-02-15T01:29:00.000+08:00

Some days, the bullcrap just gets too much for you to handle. No matter how close the friend is, or how resilient you usually are to lameness, there are just days when enough is enough.

Fortunately, Hubs is always there to save the day.

Casanova also saved the day and added some laughs to my otherwise tiring fucked day. It's a MUST WATCH!!

it's MINE!!!!

2006-02-14T01:23:00.000+08:00

The Motorola RAZR V3i is mine!!!!!! Muahahaha...

It's my Valentine's Day + birthday present from Hubs. My dad chipped in part of the cash as well, because if he didn't I might not even have the chance to own such a cool phone. It syncs with bloody iTunes!!

After 2 years of abusing my Nokia 7600, aka "the funny/funky phone", it was high time to get a new phone. Not that my 7600 wasn't serving my well, but I guess it was the techno-savvy bitch in me kicking up. The sleek sexy look and the functionality of the RAZR V3i was just too fab to ignore.

I am one happy girl. And as said before, February IS the month where wonderful things happen.

take notice!

2006-02-13T02:55:00.000+08:00

I've got a mobile line up and running, but it's a new number with a different service provider. If you haven't gotten my sms informing you of my new number, please leave me a message here and I'll get back to you ASAP!

wonderful weekend

2006-02-13T01:26:00.000+08:00

A fantastic weekend spent. Friday til Sunday.

Meals together.
Shopping.
Coffee talks.
Being out just to be part of the bustling world.

I can't even recall the last time we spent so much time together without having anything else interrupt our couple time.

The laughter. The love.
I think my sanity really appreciated that.

Fancy new thongs (8 pairs!) and a lovely red bra from CK Tangs, courtesy of my Valentine. =)
Not to mention the bits and pieces of shopping from here and there.
All the money and all the love for me... Thank you, my honey baby!!

Thaipusam's wonderous celebrations was an eye opener.
Cereal prawns, green tea, iced Milo, iced Horlicks at a coffeeshop watching the ceremonies.
Sometimes it pays to live so close to a "Bangla" area. Where else can you see religious devotees pierced in multiple places?

Hubs is trying hard to make my February wonderful by filling my days up with:
- good lovin'
- yummy meals out
- all expenses paid shopping (within limits, of course)
- presents
- spending quality time with me
- laughter and joy

How can I even allow myself to be down?

As I've said before to some friends, February is a time when wonderful things happen:

1) Chinese New Year - time with loved ones + extra cash + holidays.

2) wedding anniversary - a day to look back at the past year and the achievements/errors we've made as a couple and to celebrate the existence of our love.

3) Valentine's Day - every girl is a sucker for amorous gifts and expressions of love (and sincerity). Don't deny it.

4) my birthday - I look forward to my birthday every year. Regardless of the fact that I NEVER get younger. The day I am QUEEN and get the things I've been pining for.

Nonetheless for all the beauty in the world, Life always finds its way to screw up your days one way or another. =(
But I know Hubs will be my saviour. One way or another. =)

Happy Valentine's Day to one and all.
Spread the love around!

phone line down

2006-02-10T00:35:00.000+08:00

As the title suggests, my phone line is down. I am stranded with no mobile nor land line. So if you need to contact me, you can try calling Hubs' line. I might be holding on to the phone for the next couple of days. Simply because I have more of a social life than he does. :p

FUCK SINGTEL!

i quit! But...

2006-02-09T03:46:00.000+08:00

So my Assistant Manager happened to call me when I was getting out of the doctor's office today. He wanted me to drop by to let him photocopy my I.C so that I could collect my quite overdue paycheck.And since I was just around the corner, I popped by and did what was necessary to get MY money.

When he returned with my I.C, I conveniently told him that I'm not keen on working for them anymore. When probed for a reason, I just told him that I've been falling sick due to working late nights. He seemed okay with my sudden resignation, but said,"Why don't you work finish this week, then take a one, two weeks break and see how?"

In my mind, I was just screaming "LIMPEH DON'T WANT TO WORK FOR YOU COS YOU GUYS PAY PEANUTS AND I DON'T LIKE WORKING WITH MAT-YOYOS!!"

I am sick of customers speaking Malay to me. I AM NOT A MAT-YOYO! I don't understand why he wants to make me stay, but heck, I need to practise self-preservation. That money they pay me can't even preserve a plum.

But of course, in reality, I politely accepted his offer while also telling him that I won't be working tonight because I'm still not feeling well. I AM ill. Just not in the body, but in the mind. I'm under stress that I don't even know of. Like what stress? I am not doing anything except bumming around. But if the doctor says so, then that is that.

Come Thursday morning, I am going to "chao geng" again. I will sms my Assistant Manager and tell him that I am still feeling under the weather. When in actual fact, it's because I have an interview for another part-time job in the afternoon. *heh heh* One need not be too honest when it comes to the realistic needs in life. Money.

doctor's visit

2006-02-09T03:31:00.000+08:00

He spoke to me
soft words with logic laced
Thrice
my tears escaped me

He dug up wounds
so deeply buried
left to be forgotten
my heart bleeds

The past left to fade
relives in my mind
I broke down
crazed and deranged inside

Prozac was my remedy
to ease the skeletons
hiding in my closet
to guide my logic home

I wait for the day
to be normal again
to laugh and cheer
and not feel stabbed in the chest

feeling down

2006-02-08T02:59:00.000+08:00

I don't want to go to work later. I hate reporting for a job where I have to stand for 6 hours on end. Given the fact that my shift starts at 7pm, I'll probably be on my feet for 7 hours, up til 2am.

They were supposed to pay part-timers weekly, which is on every Friday. I've been working since 19th January and I haven't been paid a single cent. They said the accounts person has gone on holiday, and thus delaying our payout. Hell, do I care?! What about my bills that need to be paid? What about my tummy that needs to be filled? What about the tobacco and alcohol I need to keep my sanity moving along?

I have half a mind to walk in tomorrow and tell my manager that I don't want to work anymore. More than 3 weeks and not a single cent paid. Not to mention that I had to purchase a pair of plain black pants to wear for work. AND I HAVEN'T BEEN PAID A SINGLE CENT UP TIL NOW. I had to pay for that stupid pair of pants from my own pocket.

The bills are waiting and they can't wait no more. Neither can I. Hubs doesn't get his paycheck until the 10th. I need to get that money. It's not a lot, no more than $100 a week, but that would suffice for the money we owe for electricity and water supply. Working where I am now seems to defeat the purpose of working at all when I don't get paid.

Anyone who knows of a job that starts after 6pm, please let me know. Karthy/Annie, you guys work in some recruitment agency, so please help me!!

So should I quit or not? I have no idea how long they're going to drag on my paycheck. And I have no intentions to find out.

darkness reigns

2006-02-08T02:46:00.000+08:00

voices outside the windows
beckoning me to look out
a face draped with long curly hair
says "Boo!"

wits scared out of me
things dropped on the floor
collapsed in a crying heap
thank God for my angel

strangers standing round my bed
peering at me with queer eyes
i toss and turn
unable to rest with the unwanted attention

my angel needs rest
he needs to close his eyes
they don't leave no matter what
closing in on my thoughts

these days are dark
with nights gloomier
i need to run from here
to make merry elsewhere

tears laced with fears
need to hide my face
from a world so curious
lock myself inside and out

river hongbao

2006-02-07T02:19:00.000+08:00

food stalls in an indian file
a variety of aromatic smells and colours
shuffling from one end to the other
money exchanged for tasties
stuffing ourselves
with shark's fin soup, japanese pizza, buns with crabmeat sauce
satisfied
with the laughter and a filled tummy

fireworks blast into the dark night sky
a hug maintained throughout the festivities
families, friends, couples congregated amidst the crowds
smiles, cheers, feel the joy in the air
a sight to behold
a moment to remember

blur cock

2006-02-06T18:21:00.000+08:00

I had no idea that I had to moderate my Haloscan comments. It wasn't necessary before, gawd knows when the system changed, leaving all your comments queueing in the "PENDING MODERATION" page waiting for my approval. Argh.

My fingers are tired from clicking "APPROVE" for TWO pages worth of comments.

Could this be TRUE?!

2006-02-06T02:46:00.000+08:00

You scored as English. You should be an English major!
Your passion lies in writing and expressing yourself creatively, and you hate it when you are inhibited from doing so. Pursue that interest of yours!

English

92%

Linguistics

83%

Theater

75%

Philosophy

75%

Journalism

75%

Dance

67%

Biology

67%

Art

67%

Anthropology

58%

Sociology

50%

Psychology

50%

Mathematics

50%

Engineering

33%

Chemistry

25%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!)
created with QuizFarm.com

for days that start out wrong

2006-02-06T02:22:00.000+08:00

Remember your eventual goals and dreams, instead of focusing on the anger and pain.
Remind yourselves why you were even here to begin with.
Refrain from making harsh statements out of a fit of anger.
Restrain any violent tendencies, no matter how strong. Likewise, help restrain your partner.
Repeatedly vocalise the love and concern to calm each other down.
Resolve the issue instead of mindlessly letting anger lead the way into unconstructive heated arguments.
Reassure yourself and your partner that no matter what happens, the love will not change.
Rekindle the relationship by doing something enjoyable together and being extra nice to each other for the rest of the day.

Slightly 2 hours after the last second of our FIRST wedding anniversary. May there be more years to celebrate in love and happiness. No matter what happens to us in the near or distant future, I LOVE YOU.

a meme from Puny Grace

2006-02-06T01:57:00.000+08:00

Rules for this growing meme:
Bold the following that are true about you, italicize things you wish were true, add one true thing about you.

I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch much TV these days.
I love olives.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
I hate the rain.
I'm paranoid at times.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have fresh breath in the morning.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way that I look.
I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I think prostitution should be legalized.
I think Britney Spears is pretty.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal WordPress Tabulas blog.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in (a) God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I currently like someone.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
I have at least 5 away messages saved.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal Tabulas.
When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbour or chum.
I enjoy some country music.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I watch soap operas whenever I can.
I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I have dated a close friend's ex.
I like surveys/memes.
I am happy at this moment.
Democrat.
Conservative Republican.
I am punk rockish.
I am preppy.
I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
I believe in prophetic dreams.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient on a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I am adopted.
I like sausage.
I love the Red Sox.
I have thrown up from crying too much.
I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colors.
I love Dear Abby.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I think school is awesome.
I think pigtails serve a purpose.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing. (it is way too long.. -.-")
I don't like multi-textured ice cream.
I think John Cusack is adorable.
I watch Food Network way too much.
I love coaching youth sports.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have (almost) every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I would not be friends if they weren't family.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I know who Santos L. Halper is.
I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.
I love wrestling.
I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
I'm an artist.
I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
I have an unhealthy Taco Bell obsession.
I have had a crush on a cartoon character when I was a kid. (Peter Pan, can I be your Wendy?? Okay, I'll settle for Tink too... pretty please?!)
I have spent more on anime and manga than many spend on computers or other high end products.
I only clean my room when neccesary.
Weight is my enemy.
I hate chinese.
I wish everybody in the world loves me.
I wish I had a stable job with a high income.
I detest most stuffed toys.
I'm a complete gadget freak.
I've got a mental disorder.

So that's the list. Fuck, that's long. No more long memes!! You hear me, Puny?? NO MORE!!

it's time

2006-02-06T01:53:00.000+08:00

Time to start typing down thoughts again. Too much happening, too little energy to scribble it all into my paperback diary.

This is the lazy arse's way of recording down life's events. Along with photos, URL links and songs. I guess I just can't afford a good printer to soft-copy my pictures and paste them into my book.

So here. I'm back again.

no more posts

2005-12-22T04:03:00.000+08:00

don't ask me why.
I'm just not blogging no more.
Thank you to all the readers and friends who drop by regularly.
Well wishes to you guys.
Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.

Hope to maintain the friendships if anyone is still interested.

2005-12-16T06:02:00.000+08:00

feeling detached from self
to the point of being able to see myself
like how i would
be looking at someone else

it's crazy

2005-12-16T04:56:00.000+08:00

how I feel an irrepressible urge to thump the piano keys right now at almost 5am.

how much I wish to have a cigarette between my fingers and to inhale the offending smoke into my lungs.

how I think I will die if I go to sleep at night.

that I can go on typing, typing, and typing all sorts of random bullcrap just because I feel like it.

how little I am asking for out of life these days. No luxuries, just the BARE essentials.

how I can still keep my emotions in check even though inside I am close to bursting with queries, doubts and fear.

It's mad, mad, mad that I am not behaving like myself anymore but the lack of control over how I feel and react makes me feel like myself.

In truth, nothing in this world is going out of whack. Except for me.

I just feel like waking him up and asking him if I am still me.

I didn't think I would

2005-12-16T04:47:00.000+08:00

I heard a song
a tune from the past
melodies soothing
night quiet
heart beating in an off-beat way

the air changed
it smelt like you
like the balcony
where we would sit and stargaze
stale cigarettes in flowerpots
cheap girly alcohol sips in bottles

there is an ease
a calmness
that sweeps over me
from head to toe

I feel safe
like before
and like
never before

why why why

how you can leave
such an impact on me
is sheer surprise

a year and half
away from each other
never did take away
the essence of you from me

the words you would say
the quirkyness of you
the awkward man-boy
I shared 6 years with

I refuse to let
this reminisce
stop

why why why

can't I take
all of this out
from me?

like a tumour
like a zit
like,
like,
a baby?

scrap
cut
push
laser
peel
remove
forget
kill

I always wished
hoped
that one day
you would read
something similar to this
that I write
with you in mind
with you in heart
with you in my fondest memories

we were both naive before
innocent as can be
with love on our minds
but mine being more selfish
than yours was selfless

now we have both
moved on

I am someone else's wife
someone you think
suits me perfect
whom I love with all my heart
and show more love
than there ever was
with you

you are someone else's boyfriend
marriage probably on the cards
soon
but I wouldn't know
because we don't talk

we don't talk no more

I can choose to hate you
or even to hate your girl
for building the barriers
between our friendship of many years
breaking the bonds
disrupting the honest communication

but I can't bring myself
to hate anyone
but myself

maybe today
just for today
I will allow myself
to miss you again

to play the songs
one after another
end on end
to remind me of you
and dig on the wound
of my sheer stupidity and selfishness

because I just feel like it

a trail of tears
for you
my dear
no more

2005-12-16T04:10:00.000+08:00

It's time SOMEONE sponsors a trip to the pedicurist.
I'm starting to have problems reaching my toes properly to trim them down.
What's the problem, you ask?
Bigger boobs and tums blocking the way, combined with a general lack of flexibility.

the daily dilemmas

2005-12-16T03:24:00.000+08:00

I couldn't be bothered updating this blog.

I can't even be bothered to use Blogger even though I have decided to write something.

I've been staring at the dust residing on the floors for 2 days without feeling compelled to sweep, vacuum, mop or even simply to wipe down with a damp rag. This is really out of character for me. But seriously, after coming down with a slight fever TWICE since I've moved in here is no joke. The body induces its own aches without any form of serious exertion, let alone when I fervently clean this cemented patch of a flat from front to back, top to bottom for an estimated 5 hours at a go.

The husband is delirious each time he catches me with a dazed expression, and proceeds to touch various parts of my head immediately to make sure that I am not running a temperature. I am thankful for his concern for my well-being, but as mentioned before, I'd much prefer to be fussed over every waking moment than only when I seem unwell.

Someone needs to feel special here. And that person is me.

I realise that I don't seem to be myself no more.
I talk different. I think different. My expectations of the world around me seems to have changed as well.
And I cannot say that all this is good.

Something's come over me. If only I knew what it is.

Hip-hop and pop music hurts my ears. I'm sticking to jazz, blues and "Cafe Del Mar"-ish music until I give birth. This baby obviously has his/her own preferences.

The husband says it's due to impending motherhood. I'd say I'm just crazy and digging my own emotional grave.

I fear I'm losing myself.

The crazed nicotine addict who still seems able to control her own emotions.
The foul-mouthed Goth girl who blushes the moment her love looks straight into her eyes.

I've not been myself. And I worry that once this baby is here, I will never be myself ever again.
I will become someone else.
Someone new, who ultimately is still me, but in the essence of my former carefree deranged self, not actually me.

Somehow, being pregnant has taken away my own identity. It's happened before, and it's happening again now.
But this time round, the ending WILL be different. This baby WILL arrive into this world.
And THAT may just change me for the rest of my life.

The commitment, the responsibilities, of another life being under my care and supervision...
Just the mere thought of it makes me shudder.
And we haven't even considered the amount of pain that labour might inflict in my nether regions.
I say "might" to instill some hope that it may not hurt that much after all.
But who is to know?
Every woman experiences a different labour each time even if they have more than one child, let alone to have someone else tell me how it might be like for me six months down the road when my baby is due.

I wish I had a close friend who knows what will happen and what to do.
But pity there are none.
I guess there must be a pioneer for everything, and here I am, being the first of my batch to be married and impregnated.

Maybe when the day comes when someone I know is expecting, it would be my honour to bestow upon her the wisdom and knowledge for childbirth. However, given the fact that I hardly have many female friends, let alone confidantes, I'd probably be spared the title of Pregnancy and Baby Advisor to anyone.

That might be a good thing.

Mothers can be selfish creatures. And given the fact that no one is here for me during my ordeal, why should I be there for anyone during theirs? I have nothing to offer anyway. As always.

2005-12-12T02:09:00.000+08:00

Does no one miss me at all?

Since I moved into the new place on 3rd December, my phone has been quiet.

Is everyone busy? Or are they just trying to keep their distance from me?

What for? In fear that I might ask for help in moving house?

Sometimes I just can't help but think that this world is full of heartless people...

Well, the moving in is almost finalised.

If anyone wants to know how I am, just ask.

If not, just forget it.

*hugs self in pure self-pity*

It makes me wonder...
if there's no one out there,
then who's clocking in the numbers in my counters?

stepping out of the comfort zone

2005-12-02T01:23:00.000+08:00

The short countdown for the BIG move into the new flat has begun.

We're 2 days away from the move-in/move-out on Sunday.

Am I freaked by all that is rushing round my head like a hive of bees disturbed from their usual nectar collection, honey making routine?

Fuck, yeah.

I've been treading in and out of my parents' ruling grounds so many times that moving half of my materialistic possessions out to some strange new living environment seemed like an annual affair. And it was not the least bit unnerving to fall out with my mum, pack my favourite things, and just catch a cab to anywhere.

But this. This whole business of buying your own humble abode with your significant other half and paying for the whole darned thing yourselves while making sure neither one of you starve to death trying to keep up the installments. This is what is serious nail-biting business.

Out come the calculators, pens and papers for jotting down sums and lists of costs, empty cigarette packs strewn all over the table, stubbed butts that have served their purpose during the discussion. The smell of smoke lingering in the air, creating an atmosphere of severity and formality no different from the aftermath of a boardroom battle of wits and figures.

Except that all these are much more personal. One tiny fuck-up and off you go into guilty why-don't-I-just-die land.

And that is what we've been trying so hard to avoid.

Our bank accounts don't add up to much. Well, not anymore. The figures seem to have taken a liking to kick some of their fellow numericals out of the total balance amount. Most of them get banished, never to be heard of again.

Ask either one of us about the figure 25,000 and we'll likely reply,
"Oh that one. Been gone for more than a year, I say. Don't think it'll be back ever again."

It's sad. But true.

And as the days go by once we move into this little space called home, we can only hope that one day a miracle will happen and bring all these long disappeared figures back into the little book of numbers again.

But as miracles go, they hardly happen.

the smell of death in the air

2005-12-02T00:37:00.000+08:00

Has the third dimension gone into overdrive recently? The Sandman has not been working his magic equally amongst us, and the Grim Reaper has been claiming lives away.

Just yesterday, Hubs was telling me about how his workday was shortened because his client's mum had passed away. He was glad in a way, as he could then make it home early to spend time with Jr and me, but in a darker sense, there was some sort of uneasiness that he felt whenever he knew of anybody passing on.

It didn't have to be anyone he knew. Death simply darkens his mood and knits his brows.

We all know that it is a eventual phase that we all have to go through one day, like birth, sickness, aging and the other uncontrollable and unexplainable elements of life. Some view the "end" with fear and anxiety, some think nothing of it as there is nothing we can do about it anyway.

But my reaction to Hubs was simply this: "For every one that passes on, one more joins this world. Our baby shall be the one to take the empty place."

And that is how the world is. One to take over the other. Like the rising tide hitting the shore after the last one has died down.

Today came the news of a blogger's lost battle with a rare blood disorder. The blogging world shall be solemnly grieving for La Ider's departure from this world. Rest in peace.

moving house on Sunday

2005-12-01T04:56:00.000+08:00

Strong, able-bodied men required for the move.
Please contact Shelly to volunteer yourself for manual labour.
Drinks and dinner may be offered in exchange for services.
The home-owners will take no responsibility towards any injuries/disabilities sustained from services rendered.

Any takers?? =p

Awwwww......

2005-12-01T04:42:00.000+08:00

http://pseudosapien.blogspot.com/2005/11/my-life-will-be-better-if.html

Hubs, you are SO nauseatingly sweet!

I love you!

I crave...

2005-11-30T23:12:00.000+08:00

- salt and vinegar

- hugs and kisses

- hot baths

- cold drinks

- warm milk

- chocolate cookies (only Keebler's and Famous Amos, no substitutes)

- Marks & Spencers' snackies. Prawn cocktail, salt&vinegar chips, bacon rashers, etc.

- the Mitsubishi Lancer that has gone away

- the comfort of your own private ride (I got pushed BADLY yesterday on the train because some STUPID woman wanted to snatch my seat the moment I stood up.)

- to move into my new place asap with no fuck-ups

- for 3 weeks to pass by quickly so I can go ultrasound my kid again

- to strike lottery, although I have only bought it ONCE in my entire life

- more food, more food, more food

good morning!

2005-11-26T08:24:00.000+08:00

QUESTION: Which idiot wakes up at 8am after a night of sleazy partying til 2am, followed by 2 hours of hot sex?

ANSWER: Me. (Geez...)

--- --- ---

Update @ 11.33am:

Ok, ok. Quit the hollering. Pregnant women can go have a wild night out on town too. Especially if they are just recently impregnanted. Some people should know better. *wink*

Last night was my farewell to the clubbing scene. I'd still be secretly dancing at home though. The doctor says it's good to get some exercise, but nothing too vigorous. Sex should be fine too because I'm not experiencing any complications like bleeding or fever.

So with breakfast now snug within my digestive juices, I am going back to bed. Pregnant women should have a lot of rest. Hubs is sleeping too anyway.

On a melancholic note, the car is going away today. Approximately in about 10 minutes' time. It's going to someplace far far away and not coming back ever again. Unless we find it in a second-hand car sales garage and buy it back again. (Which would be dumb because by that time this Mitsubishi Lancer would be at least a third-hand because we bought it second-hand. Not to mention who sells a car just to buy it back again?)

One should always look towards the future and aim for the cute and cheap Kia Picanto.

2005-11-24T20:19:00.000+08:00

Yeah! We're going to Bugis for Smelly Beancurd today!

nothing to do?!

2005-11-24T18:36:00.000+08:00

Today is one of those days when there seems to be nothing to surf online and I'm feeling too lazy to do anything.

Maybe now is the time to start on those jewellery pieces.

SEXPO lessons

2005-11-24T01:47:00.000+08:00

SEXPO was lame. As said earlier. Given the uptightness of our governing officials, how can we expect kinky exhibitions like what they have in westernised countries?

I almost wanted to throw rotten eggs, and whatever foul-smelling things I could lay my hands on, at the stupid male emcee who was talking about what kind of bikinis women should wear. Hello? A man? Talking about women's figures and what type of bikinis they should avoid? The organiser definitely has NO BRAINS. And this emcee is not some Brad Pitt type of drool-worthy male, he's just some random Malay/Indian fella who speaks BAD BAD English and cracks LAME LAME jokes.

And the behaviour of Singapore men we saw at the SEXPO, particularly the elderly, seriously puzzled Hubs and I...

This photo was taken at the "House of Condoms" stall. At this angle, you can't really see the whole crowd, but lemme tell you, the number of people here aren't even half of the whole gang of curious pervs. Pity I couldn't take any photos of the massive crowd because it was so crowded that I only managed to take shots of random pervs' heads.

There were SO MANY MEN just crowding at the vibrator/dildo section. Almost HALF of the men were aged over 50! They were contenting themselves picking up and scrutinizing each and every interesting looking sex toy and then putting it back. Probably only 1 out of 20 men there bought something, and I can swear it's not the high-end expensive imported toys.

Like hello? Why are you all crowding there? Not buying then don't stand there and block the way and view of potential buyers, you perverted cheapskates. If you want to ogle at the sexy porn stars on the sex toy packaging, go download the videos online. They can move, suck, fuck and are usually naked throughout the video. And you can wank off as well. Go now and fuck off.

It just makes me wonder WHY these men are SO interested in the toys. Is it because they know that they suck in bed and are seeking help to pleasure their long-suffering women? And those uncles? Do they also want to improve their wifes' pleasure? Or are they just what we call "sua koo", wanting to see what these funny contraptions do?

These men look at sex toys like they've never seen them before, even though the whole Geylang and even heartland areas are littered with shops selling novelty items and sex toys. And seriously, our local men are too stingy to buy something which doesn't give them pleasure. The only thing they might buy are those rubber vaginas that aid in masturbation, which they probably still won't buy because others who see their purchases will think they don't have a sex life and that no woman wants them. Which is true, I guess.

In this picture, we have the majority of the men (read: elderly men who probably cannot have a regular sex life no more) on the left side of the photo who are rushing to collect (or should I say snatch) their FREE Vicon samples. Vicon is this vibrating condom that's sold in 7-11s and supermarkets. It's actually quite misleading because the condom itself doesn't vibrate, but the cock-ring that comes with it does. You're supposed to put on the condom, and then the ring. Switch it on, and VOILA! Vibrating cock! Pity the battery in the ring only lasts around 15 minutes max. But if they did make the battery last any longer, the company would probably run out of business cos no one would buy any new ones from them.

Think the product sounds amazing? Well, it isn't. Hubs and I tried it months ago when we chanced upon it at Mustafa. The ring is uncomfortable and it is quite hard to position the vibrating part of the ring directly at the clit to pleasure the woman. And Hubs says the vibrating makes his cock go numb after the session, which means the climax would have been less, erm, earth-shattering.

Anyway, back to the old men collecting freebies. Why would they want vibrating condoms? Even if they can still get it up, would their wives still want to have sex? Even if they can do it with other women (read: geylang), why would they want to pleasure them? Ewwww... It makes me shudder in utter disgust thinking about it.

I'm not saying that the aged cannot and should not have sex, but please make it less blatant. These men are just IN YOUR FACE trying to show that they still have active sex lives. But seriously, they DO show bountiful energy when running up to the poor exhibition staff to get their freebies. They really RAN. Not like the wind, but how often do you see packs of aged 50 over men RUNNING to collect free condoms? It really was a laugh.

In conculsion, SEXPO sucked. The organisers did a bad job including every mundane thing vaguely sex-related (but had nothing exceptionally sexual) in the exhibition, the decor was bad (if there even WAS any decor), the programmes were unexciting and the emcees were lousy. The stalls, I shan't even mention anything about them except PUI. I don't understand why only House of Condoms was the only sex shop there when there are BETTER stocked shops like U4RIA (pronounced Euphoria) in Singapore. Must have been that the organisers were arseholes that's why no one signed up for it. I heard from one of my friends who was working at the SEXPO that Oohtique had their goods impounded on the first day of the exhibition. Go to Oohtique's website and take a look, they have classy sexy stuff, not the sleazy types that House of Condoms have, and still their goods were banned. Like why?! Must have been some internal disagreement. We all know how "the people up there" can be biased bastards. Oohtique is run by a couple of caucasian ladies, so maybe that's where the biasedness came in?

If there is a next time for SEXPO, you people better put up some sexy programmes with less Malays and have more stalls that actually sell blatant sex products. Like IN YOUR FACE sex products. But judging by the horrid flop this year's exhibition was, I think this SEXPO thing better be banned from here on.

By the way, pics are here.

food cravings

2005-11-24T00:15:00.000+08:00

I am feeling strong desires for savoury foods. I don't want no snacks, I want actual FOOD. I am feeling for Kway Chap, salted vegetables, smelly beancurd at Bugis, pig's organ soup (with extra salted veggies please), chee cheong fun, shishamo, fried tofu at Chinatown, cheese knackers at that Ang-Moh's stall at Chinatown, the yummy fried dumpling (guo tie) along Nathan Road in Hong Kong, fried pig's intestines at Geylang, smoked salmon caeser salad at Prinsep Street's Mr Bean, cheese munchers at Cafe Cartel, cold tofu at that Taiwanese porridge place near Indoor Stadium, while we're there, I also want the braised pig's intestines with preserved veggies. Thank you.

果汁
猪肠粉
臭豆腐
猪杂汤
咸菜
炸豆腐
冷豆腐
炸大肠
大肠菜尾
锅贴

半夜有没有外卖 huh?

slow slow slow

2005-11-24T00:01:00.000+08:00

I hate how my laptop slows down to a snail's crawl whenever I use Limewire with this shitty Singnet dial-up. Sucks.

Someone save me from this crap of a hassle by buying these albums for me:

Mariah Carey - Emancipation of Mimi

Ricky Martin - Life

Ministry of Sound - Dance Nation

Black Eyed Peas - Monkey Business

Simply Red - Simplified

Every single Michael Buble CD available

Gorillaz - Demon Days

That's that for now. I miss the high-speed broadband at my dad's place.

becoming my mother

2005-11-23T18:46:00.000+08:00

So how true is it that we become more like our parents as we grow older? Shockingly, it is very true for me.

As someone who never had the eye (or coordination skills) for handicrafts, I have been experimenting with different forms of handiwork, and surprisingly, the results have been quite acceptable.

My mother, from as far back as I can remember, was someone who would sit on the couch for hours on end doing a cross-stitch or knitting something for one of us. In the recent years before her death, she was crazy over making crystal jewellery. She would churn out necklaces, bracelets, rings and other little ornaments on a daily basis. She did them as if her life depended on it (though that wasn't the case). In the end, we had so many of her creations that we had to stow them away in a BIG plastic container in the storeroom.

Am I becoming my mother? I shudder to think that. My mother wasn't exactly the most appealing personality around, and her lonesome character was accompanied by spools of thread, needles and other handicraft accessories. The difference between my mother and me is almost akin to the vast distinction between a desert and a forest. Other than the fact that we're both female, that is.

Recently, I have taken to adorning my nails a shade of bright red I would formerly avoid like the plague. Red is not my colour. Or so I used to think. Until Hubs gave the approving nod and bought me my FIRST bottle of RED nail polish. He likes the seductive vixen it brings out in me, and I like how it makes me feel like a matured confident woman. On hindsight, no other nail colour has ever made me feel this way before.

This shade of red, I believe, would make my mother go green with envy as she is such a sucker for red/fuchsia nail colours. Although I must say that she was horridly lacking the expertise at painting her own nails. The colours were always splotchy because she didn't brush the strokes in one uniformed direction. She didn't have the patience to wait for it to dry before putting on the next coat. And worst of all, she never had the decency to protect her nails with a good base and top coat. No matter how many times I had screamed at her horridly painted nails, she would repeat the same mistakes again. She always made me wonder if she was just plain stubborn, or she just didn't want to take MY advice because I was her child.

In the end, I would always end up doing her manicures and pedicures in her favourite garish shades that I never foresaw I would one day adore on my own digits. *shudders*

Becoming a shadow of your parents' image can be spine-tingling once you realise how similar you actually have become. *melodramatic wail* Oh, the horror!

Well, at least I am still the only one in my family who is capable of tinkling a proper tune on the piano. Oh, and no one else can dance either. The rest of my family are quite tone-deaf or rhythm-confused. They can never quite catch the right beat or pitch. *sighs in self consolation*

2005-11-23T05:46:00.000+08:00

Responding to Tomorrow's request, all I can say is that I've tried...

random ramblings

2005-11-23T04:17:00.000+08:00

** As the title suggests. If you're not keen to read about my personal thoughts that are streaming through my head like a really high-speed internet broadband, please do yourself a favour and scroll on. **

So now I'm pregnant. Again. Not that it ain't good, but this time round things are really different.

This baby is planned. So we're definitely keeping it unless the unforseen should happen. My sleep cycles are FUCKED and I'm having trouble quitting smoking. I'm cutting down, but not significantly enough. Maybe on the next gynae trip I'll bring it up to the doc. Don't know if I am allowed to take any nicotine gum or anything, but I'll try it if the doc says it's okay.

Linked to this comes the monetary issue of things. I've been fired, but we still don't know if the company will want me to pay them back for the days which I wasn't working. That would be a substantial amount, trust me. And it would bring along with it, a BIG headache. But we won't know until the HR letter gets into my mailbox. So that's that for now.

We're running low on budget for the house. We've still got the balance amount to pay up for the bed and TV console. And that totals up to $1003.95. A big amount if you ask me. That's almost equivalent to a month's pay and we don't have it. Not to mention the little knick-knacks that comes with a new house. Bamboo poles for drying clothes, hangers, bathroom mats, bedsheets, detergents... Arrgh. The list is almost endless. Which reminds me, we haven't bought dustbins yet.

I was anticipating my trip to the gynae this Friday, until I was reminded by the lack of balance in my bank account that I would have some shitty-fuck trouble PAYING for the darn visit. I would need about $150, and I don't have that much to spare at the moment. Not until Hubs gets his paycheck anyway. Maybe I should ask him if he can request for an early cheque release. They all know we're expecting and that we have a house on the way too.

I think I'll start making jewellery for sale again as well. Some bits of money to help with the expenses. I just hope that there's a market for it. I have no idea where to sell them, but I guess I can start with posting them up here and selling them here. At least that's the only thing I'm good for now. Finding part-time jobs need luck, and that's one thing I've never had.

Now the best that I can do is wait. Wait for his paycheck, wait for the house to be done. Meanwhile, call the furniture shops and ask for earlier delivery. Bleah. Just hope nothing crops up. The last thing I want is to move into an empty house.

I really hope that Dad can sell off his place as well, but guessing that the other party seems ok with the fact that Mum died IN the house, I think the deal is still on. I really don't want him to be stranded with no cash to turnover and no roof of his own. His girlfriend can be crap sometimes and I don't think he'll be pleased to be under her jurisdiction since he'll be staying with her in the meantime.

** Ramblings complete **

SEXPO was lame

2005-11-23T04:14:00.000+08:00

Should have said this earlier, but SEXPO was lame. I've got pictures though. *Ahem* Sexually explicit pictures taken at the SEXPO. Later though, cos it's late and my mind is cluttered with all sorts of thoughts. Mainly plans and worries, I guess.

seeing little bundles of Joy

2005-11-23T01:54:00.000+08:00

X'mas is coming soon. Not soon enough though, but mrbrown has gotten his present early! His third little bundle of joy has arrived.

When's mine gonna come along?

Out shopping with Puny Grace today, though it doesn't really qualify as shopping cos I didn't buy anything, and saw little kids running around the mall. They're not the irritating kind (thank God) but the cute little "walking dolls" that Hubs and I affectionately term them. They're so tiny that they just look like dolls.

I can't wait for mine to arrive, but I'm feeling really skeptical about the pain and all. But still, what's a little pain compared to a lifetime of joy and laughter? My lil bro is still so cute and lovable at 12 years old and he really dotes on us too, so I guess having our own child ain't that bad.

It'll be lovely, but we still gotta wait til July next year...

helping Hubs with his work

2005-11-22T01:44:00.000+08:00

And so the good wife strikes again.

Being the ever-so-willing party to help her hubby complete a darned Power Point presentation for one of their clients. She even adapts to the analbolical standards of the Creative Director by making sure that ALL the headlines start at the SAME point. How's that for perfection?

By golly, I AM proud of myself.

mother-in-law issues

2005-11-21T20:06:00.000+08:00

She doesn't like me. But not to worry, I don't like her either.

She's a obstinate mule in her ways and thinking and tries to raise us in such a patriarchal manner when in actual fact, she's the one who pulls the strings. Asking her husband for his opinion is only an act. Because whenever we ask him for his approval on anything, he would always say: "Go ask your mum."

She's like a traditional mum trying to break free but not daring to do it with too much angst lest she gets labelled as "misbehaving". Thus when it comes to me, my non-conforming ways that make Hubs go crazy for me, tortures his mother and results in her "losing face". Yet as a "loving" mother, she can't say anything to aggravate her daughter-in-law, so the only thing she does is to say it to EVERYBODY ELSE in the whole frickin' family tree.

So now nobody in the family tree likes me. Especially all the elders. Thankfully, the young families and couples in OUR generation, who feel as disagreeable about their parents' idea of the perfect family as we do, stand on the same side as us. And the grandchildren of these strictly traditional last generation family heads? They don't know any better, so I guess that's why they still like to play with us even though we've both got multiple piercings and obviously don't fit into the mould that our elders want us to fit into.

I am not just a wife, and my husband doesn't want me to be just a wife. I am to be his friend, lover, partner, wife, baby bearer, clothes washer, chef and any other role that he may want me to play. But the one thing he will never want me to be, and that I will NEVER ever be, is to be a submissive woman who tags behind him and conforms to all the regulations the world is going to impose on me. I will never be someone whom I'm not, and then end up having years of trauma piled on me, resulting in depression at an old age. THAT would be very sad indeed.

fired!

2005-11-21T10:46:00.000+08:00

My SMS was sent at 8.22am. The team leader didn't reply until almost 10 minutes later.

"Hi, you don't have to come in today. HR will send you a letter informing you about your termination cos you have not been reporting to work n did not call in for more than 48 hrs."

Oh. So it was THAT easy to cross the lines and make them fire me. But didn't I tell her on Tuesday that I would be on MC for a week? Then on the consecutive days I didn't think there was a need to call in since I had already told her that I'll won't be in until the next Monday. But speaking in terms of exacticality, she ain't wrong to say that I didn't call in for more than 48 hours because from Wednesday til Friday is 72 hours.

Ok lor. So now it's all set in stone. I've got to start going over to my new place to check my mailbox.

furniture shoppping

2005-11-19T14:28:00.000+08:00

Hubs is out at the house waiting for the lights to be delivered so that he can check and pay for them. I was supposed to go with him, but unfortunately could not wake up in time, so he left me at home to sleep. I think I may need more sleep than I thought I needed.

When he gets home, we're gonna head to IKEA and get most of our furnishings settled there. Kitchen cabinets, wardrobes, and knick-knacks like curtains, mirrors and shelvings. We'll probably spend about $2,500 there alone.

Looks like it's gonna rain later. No good, but we can't skip the crappy weather and just stay in cos the renovation is almost complete and it will definitely be done by end November, so we have GOT to sort out the furniture issues over the weekend because that's the only time when Hubs is free.

I'm starting to resent to fate that he's got to work until 10pm daily. And according to him, it's only going to get worse. =(

entertaining oneself

2005-11-18T23:53:00.000+08:00

Hubs has been finishing work around 10pm everyday for this whole week. That's no good for family cohesiveness, but what to do? Daddy's got to bring the dough back for mummy and baby. So there.

Meanwhile, I've been coping with my one week MC by spending time with the all-knowing Myloh and tinkling with funky programs like Sound Studio. I've made a mix of 4 songs, but it doesn't sound very right. Hahaha... Got to cut me some slack, cos it's only the first time I'm actually using the program to mix songs. Once I get my act up and running, I'll post it up to share with you guys.

Come Monday, I'll be returning to the office. I'm almost prepared for an earful from my team leader and manager. I haven't been reporting to work and I haven't exactly told them that I'm on a week's MC. I should be feeling embarrassed, but I guess my skin's too thick to even feel that I'm being irresponsible.

Right now, being a responsible employee is the last thing on my mind. I've got furnishings to purchase, measurements to make, delivery dates to arrange, and on top of that, to prepare for our great move-in and my growing baby.

Here's requesting that if anyone has any home assignments like data entry or web-designing, please give me a holler. Babies need a lot of money, you know. Currently the only financial issue weighing heavily on my mind is how we're going to pay for my hospitalisation charges. The cheapest wards are at least $1,500 per night, and the worst thing is that my trusted gynae is based in Thompson and being a private hospital, charges are definitely going to be higher.

Sigh. The world's problems are almost always caused by money.

the rude ex

2005-11-18T23:17:00.000+08:00

It was going to be his birthday soon, and since he was online on MSN, I took the rare opportunity to wish him a happy birthday. And his response? Nothing. No thank you, not a single reply from him.

The only thing he did was to close my conversation window. How would I know? Well, I'm using Adium, and as Adium users would know, you can SEE when someone closes the window or minimizes it.

So out of sheer frustration and anger, I just typed in "Ooi. You bloody rude leh. Cannot even say thank you meh?"

Then I saw that he was typing, and finally the response came.

"thank you"

Aiyah. Fuck off lah. People pissed off liao.

Instead of keeping to my wishes of best wishes and a happy relationship with his girlfriend, I now hope to see them break up. Bloody hell, I'm long gone from his life already, and yet I still hear his sister telling me that his girlfriend cannot stand me. Wah lau. I haven't even seen her since the first time we met more than a year ago. What the fuck did I do to you?

It's common that current girlfriends cannot stand ex-girlfriends, but in our case, what the fuck for? The obedient boyfriend has already changed his number and didn't even update me (though his sister and mother did give me his new number), and we've not even been contacting each other in ANY way. What is she jealous about? Because I prettier is it?! =p

numbers and more numbers

2005-11-17T16:52:00.000+08:00

The past few days have been spent looking and re-looking at numbers. The costs of having our own place, sums of all the money we've spent so far, the amount that we'll need as time goes by. All the numbers are giving me unrested sleep at night.

Thankfully, I am glad to say that we are able to keep the whole renovation affair under $30K. That being inclusive of all the furnishings and miscellaneous as well.

More calculations of monthly expenses, in the event that I get fired from my employment. Numbers, numbers, numbers. But I am proud to say that once Hubby gets over his 3 months' probation and gets a pay raise, I can comfortably stay home and cultivate my growing belly. Having me as a housewife is not impossible as well. We just have to cut down all additional luxuries (internet and SCV not inclusive) and live simply, which isn't all that bad at all. Simplicity is always good.

Not to mention that having little extra money to spare means that we would be unable to spoil our child, which in the long run means our child grows up more balanced as well. The last thing I want is for my child to be as spoilt as my brother. That kid gets everything he ever wants. *bleah* That used to make me so jealous when I was younger.

So now with all the sums done, all that's left to do is to call the respective furniture stores and arrange for them to deliver my furniture between 5th to 10th of December. We should be comfortably settled in by the 3rd week of December!

~ I didn't want to ~

2005-11-17T16:45:00.000+08:00

I wasn't intending to shout at you
but I did
not because I can't control myself
but because you couldn't be yourself

I hadn't wish for me
to say such horrible things
but you made me
but insisting that you are you

the worries of daily life
with the pressures of work
just compressed onto you
changed you into someone else

you felt no different
you thought no different
but you were
completely another man

if you must blame me
then do so
for that night of complete torture
but at least it worked to wake you up

so now you're back
being the man whom I love so dearly
if you fear yourself straying
I'll be here to remind you

my methods may be unorthodox
my words may sting
like salt on a wound
but each sentence is true like it is

just don't become
that person you so hate
and leave me shaking
with anger and disbelief

I didn't want to
but I did what I did
and in a way
I am glad

2005-11-17T16:09:00.000+08:00

There's a backdated entry with pics for 13th November.

furniture shopping at Mustafa

2005-11-16T01:49:00.000+08:00

I just bought a sofa from the Seahorse section in Mustafa. It's an L-shaped sofa and such a steal at only $369.50!

So next time when people comment on my nice sofa and ask me where I got it from, I will say with a grin: "Mustafa lor! They sell EVERYTHING there!"

Really lah. I am not lying. They sell EVERYTHING. (Except pork products, that is.)

bringing people together

2005-11-15T23:26:00.000+08:00

Met myloh and puny Grace today for dinner, and I must say that the two of them hit off quite well!

Myloh looks like a hamster with his cheeks stuffed full of Carrefour pizza. That's not our dinner, if you were wondering, we had our proper meal at NYDC. He was the only fella eating the pizza. He bought it for himself anyway!

Myloh is like a Jack of all trades. He knows like EVERYTHING in this ENTIRE UNIVERSE. I was searching for a water heater to buy for my new place, and he was dispatching valuable bits of information to me about what kind to buy, what brand is better, blah blah blah. Hello, you're only 19, not 90, why you so damn smart huh? Everything you also know... *slaps forehead* I feel stupid around you, even worse cos you call me "sis" when I am nothing but a bimbo. =p

completely shagged

2005-11-15T01:30:00.000+08:00

I have done nothing all day. But I still feel absolutely tired. From what, I don't know, but doc says that it's normal. In fact, suffering from tiredness is one of the "better" symptoms in early pregnancy compared to morning sickness, vomitting and giddiness as they are more detrimental to health.

Vomitting can lead to dehydration, thus affecting the foetus' growth. Giddiness is uncomfortable for the mother and may lead to accidents due to inability to concentrate. Whereas in my case, all I need is just rest.

I've been given a week's MC and I don't think my company is going to enjoy that. Neither am I. After calculations and all, I am starting to fear that we may not be able to sustain the family with only Hubs' pay. But he says only to worry when the time comes, because in 2 months' time, he should be getting a slight pay raise which will definitely help the situation.

Mother-in-law has declared that she will not be able to help me take care of the baby when he/she arrives, so the chance of me becoming a homemaker is relatively high. Mum has not been well, and with her foot in a cast, it will definitely cause her some problems in the later part of her life even if it fully recovers.

We're also selling away the car soon, so no more private transportation for me. =(
The monthly installments that we're paying for the car is just too high compared to the current automobile market. Mum says no point to keep it, since it has been giving us so much trouble anyway. Parts of the car are taking turns to break down, so it's time to sell it off.

Hubs and I are quitting smoking. Hubs is having a hard time as everyone in his company smokes, but he's holding on. He's not completely off the fags yet, but he's cutting down dramatically. Wish him luck!

date night with Hubs and the kid

2005-11-13T23:36:00.000+08:00

I think I made my brother happy today. He should be, considering the fact that I spent almost a hundred bucks on him. I got him his long-lusted-for "Need for Speed Underground 2" XBox game ($69.90) and a new pair of sandals from Bata ($29.95). Although he hadn't asked for the footwear, it is only right that a good sister like me gets it for him as he was limping like a wounded puppy all over Marina Square and Suntec City. His Nikes were getting too small for him.

I almost feel the pinch for my dad since the Nikes cost about $80, and he had barely worn it for more than 6 months. Children who grow fast should NEVER be given branded footwear.

My dad lamented that I should have bought proper shoes for the kid, but I argued and said that sandals allow his feet to grow better as they are open footwear and he will definitely be able to wear that for a longer time compared to shoes. The kid doesn't have any sandals or slippers anyway, so I still believe that it's a good choice. Kid likes them too. So who's to complain?

I got myself a pair of flats too. The FIRST pair of flats that I look good in. I just HAD to fork out $29.95 for it.

I also got a tube of Tired Legs Gel ($27) from Thyme Maternity to ease my poor suffering legs. They always feel so tired everyday.

Dinner was a hefty $79.75 at Changing Appetites. But it was GOOD FOOD. Hubs and I had the Seafood Platter for 3, even though we're just TWO persons. Ok, two and a half. The foetus needs food as well.

Camwhoring while waiting for the food...

I love my brother soooo much. Even though he has the ability to shit me big time. But I guess that's only because he matters to me.

Total bleeding from bank account for the day: $242.50. And I didn't even feel that I bought much. =(

when people change

2005-11-13T02:24:00.000+08:00

So what happens when the person you fell in love with starts to become someone else completely?

In my case, I scream, yell, kick and slap the person to his senses until he realises with all the case examples that I've listed out that he really ain't the same man no more.

Thank God it worked.

My Hubs is back from stressed-up Advertising Land.

a slim chance, but we got it anyway

2005-11-10T23:18:00.000+08:00

I've been on the pill ever since the last pregnancy, but last month I skipped the whole course altogether because we were too tied up with the house and stuff to go to the doctor's to get the pills.

And even though it's only ONE menstrual cycle, ONE ovulation period, ONE chance between that 6-12 hours when my egg is fertile... I'M PREGNANT!

It's quite a bit of a shock actually, given the fact that with only one cycle, the chance of getting pregnant should be very very low. Normal couples usually take 3-4 cycles to get pregnant, but we're so lucky! One time! My hubby damn fertile!!

Quick, say congrats!!

one night in Hubs' office

2005-11-10T01:25:00.000+08:00

Hubs spent the whole of last night up and rushing work. Poor thing. And when you thought he could sleep tonight, here we are in his office, and he's working again.

All the time like that how to have a regular sex life?!

Lucky I got some last night before I went to bed while the poor baby went back to his work. =p

I am such an evil cunt.

So tonight I make it up by keeping him company at the office.

I'm not such a bad bitch after all.

first day on the job

2005-11-09T23:08:00.000+08:00

I would presume that colleagues who commenced employment on the same day as me would have already had a day or two's experience handling cases, whereas today was my first. Ain't exactly a first since my team leader already gave me 5 simple cases to handle the Wednesday before this.

It isn't as difficult as I thought it might be. But then again, maybe it's because they're only being nice to the newbies at the moment.

Thankfully I didn't get too sleepy at work today, but I did get slightly pissed by my colleagues. They unanimously decided to head to Takashimaya for lunch, which is almost a 10 minutes' walk from our office building. And at the rate they usually amble along, we usually take around 15 minutes before we can even feel the air-conditioning in the shopping centre.

So today, I pulled a fast one the moment I knew they were lunching at Taka. I told them I had something to do, so I won't join them. Straight after we said our good-byes, I turned around and headed back to Orchard Cineleisure. We were already past Cineleisure when I found out where they were intending to go.

I withdrew some cash, and went to Long John's Silver for a relaxing lunch hour. I think I ate quite a bit too much. One "shrimp and chicken treasure meal" followed by "crispy shrimp and salsa cheese fries", washed down with a regular Coke. I have never had so much food at one sitting before. Particularly not at Long John's. But I guess it's because I didn't manage to have breakfast earlier.

Throughout my meal, I was secretly giggling to myself thinking about how the 3 girls would have packed their food from the Taka food court and end up eating by the fountain at Basement 2. They always do that because there are usually hardly any seats at the food court during lunch hour. Don't even know why they always want to go there. As for me, I enjoyed my food facing a wide stretch of green grass, with the birds and trees around me, whilst puffing through three cigarettes end on end and talking to Hubs on the phone...

So, who had a better lunch hour?

2 days' MC

2005-11-07T20:44:00.000+08:00

I've got 2 days off from the gynae that I visited in the morning. As told earlier, I've been having nausea and vomitting, accompanied with random sharp pains in my lower abdomen area. Not to mention the need for lots and lots of sleep/rest. Imagine this, 24 hours straight I've been sleeping, and still I yawn and nod off to lala-land 3 hours after waking up. I must be one sleep deprived creature... Except that it's nothing like that at all. Even the gynae had commented on how tired I looked during the consultation. He just nodded to my reply and said there was a high chance that I'm pregnant.

To facilitate better rest, he gave me 2 days' MC so that I won't behave like a zombie at work. I don't think my higher management will like me very much after this whole endless MC stint. I've been calling in sick for 5 days (including tomorrow) since I started work. Not a very good record at all. Not to mention that I was late for almost an hour on my second day of work. ARGH. My company must hate me alot by now.

I'm hoping against hope that maybe they might just fire me. It's kinda evil, but I feel utterly bad about all the absences at work already, how to bring up the subject of resignation?

In any case, I have been known to be in very bad states when I'm pregnant. So come Monday, should I be tested positive for a baby, I know I'll be in for a long shitty ride. Hubs doesn't really want me to work if I'm pregnant, because he thinks it'll be very tiring for me. And it probably will be. Not to mention after the previous pregnancy, mum-in-law will probably want to keep me indoors to guarantee the safety of her grandchild.

So that's that. And now we shall wait with bated breath for the Monday to arrive.

feeling under the weather

2005-11-05T05:04:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling tired. Walking feels like I'm dragging two pieces of stones. My back hurts. And there's some strange pulling sensation happening around my abdomen area. Even typing this entry now feels like I'm manuevering 10 tiny pieces of wood. Unresponsive and insensitive fingers.

Thought I could be pregnant, but did tests and they showed to be negative. Maybe it is too early to tell. Going to wait 2 weeks and see if the "red tide" comes. If not, time to test again.

I skipped work yesterday and was feeling so groggy that I couldn't even drag myself to the doctor's. I slept for a record time of 24 hours without even waking up for more than 5 minutes. There must be something wrong with me.

Later gotta go to the doc's and try and get an MC for Friday. I'll be fucked if I don't get it. Must be prepared for manager to screw me up BIG TIME. I am fucked.

Dinner with Karthy and Annie was good at Lemongrass. Never been there, but I was quite smitten with the prawn patties. Yum. I still owe them money for the meal. So not nice to meet up first time and then never pay for my share. =p

These two girls ah... So highly gossipy. I feel almost threatened that they will talk behind my back when I'm not there. But they seem like they have so much fun just chatting that it almost seems like it's bad if you don't let them do it.

I kinda like them both, even if they are tiny in size and make me feel like a giant just being around them.

Halloween '05 at Momo

2005-11-03T08:29:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry that you can see absolutely nothing of our outfits. They're not costumes anyway. We went on a whim so we didn't have any costumes prepared at all. I just simply my old self, the Goth chick that Hubs fell in love with at first sight. =p

the continuous stream of random babbling

2005-11-03T08:11:00.000+08:00

I'm meeting Karthy for dinner in town today. By Golly, I am excited!

She's been reading my blog for some time and she's a colleague of Annie (the aspiring wife who reads my blog quite regularly as well), and it's the first time I'm meeting anyone who reads my blog. We were trying to contact Annie the whole of yesterday evening, but her phone was just never picked up. If you're reading this, we meeting at 7.30pm hor. You go call Karthy and check with her.

Karthy and I had been chatting intermittently via email for a couple of weeks after she left her first comment on my blog and we eventually swapped numbers. (Actually not true, because I gave her mine and she didn't give me hers until some days later.) From then on, we sms-ed on a daily basis just asking "how do you do" and stuff like that. Until I called her out of the blue after work yesterday.

Her response when picking up the phone was very friendly and not the least bit shocked that I called. It was almost as though she had been expecting me to make contact all this while. As if I've been a friend for a long time and I'm jusrt making a routine call to say hello.

We talked awhile about random personal topics and she told me that she was shopping at Singapore Expo because there's a Metro Warehouse Sale there. I jokingly scolded her for not telling me about it, and she like-mindedly scolded me back for not checking my email account recently. There was so much laughter between us that it almost seems as though we've been friends for ages. Everything just felt so comfortable. I just hope tonight's dinner goes in the same fashion.

This could be the start to a blooming friendship...

the submissive wife

2005-11-03T07:49:00.000+08:00

So after 1.5 bowls of Kway Chap each, here we are, sitting in his office at Katong. He's busying designing his A1 posters and bus ads. Me, just randomly keying in a blog post.

All in all, I am just a wussy. So angry, yet I still gave way. I don't know what's gotten into my head ever since I got married. I have become, literally, a pussy.

Don't get me wrong, I do like being submissive in certain areas of my relationships Like *ahem* in bed. I think every woman has a yearning in them to be taken over and overwhelmed in terms of sexuality. I am definitely one of them. But sad to say, my sex life has been barely been in existence for the past 2 weeks. I am sexually depressed.

Maybe we should just have sex in the office right now. That'll be good way to kickstart Hari Raya. =p

But then again, if I disturb his work, he might just flare up again. *sigh* A long time ago, when we just got married, I had already foretold that once I start working full-time, our intimacy and communication will start going down the drain. Him being the busy fella with hardly any time for lunch (let alone sex), can rarely be sensitive enough to sense that I need some affection. In actual fact, I need a lot of affection. I thrive on hugs and kisses from the ones I love. So back then, when I was the one with plenty of free time, I sorted out the laundry, did what I please and at the end of his long day at work, pamper him and initiate contact.

Now, with our own work schedules and two baskets overflowing with dirty laundry, we barely have enough time to even check our email accounts for just 10 minutes. Everything just naturally falls into the categories of lower importance. It's not like we want to, but it just can't be helped. Running the rat race just keeps your vision blurred. What can you expect after going round and round on repetitive almost-daily cycles of work, lunch, work, dinner, sleep?

Although it is a public holiday, and we should be spending time bonding and enjoying each others' company (and bodies), he's here slogging away. I would love to push the blame to him for my plight of boredom here, and just walk away scot-free, but on hindsight, he's working hard for us. For our house, our lifestyle, our future. How can I have the heart to just leave him here alone?

This is the most I can do as a wife. To be here with him, as a pillar of strength and support, to shine on him in the darkest hours like a ray of light, to love him and be by his side. That is all I can do. And even though it doesn't sound like much, it can be quite difficult to repress your own desires and to just be the woman in the back. Especially for someone vocal and selfish like me. I always want things going MY way.

And now's the time, the wife in me takes over.

Can't say I like it, can't say I don't, because there's is a sense of contentment just knowing that you're doing your best as a partner. All I wish for now is that at the end of the day, Hubs gets the job done, and we can go back to the loving, doting couple surrounded with fun and laughter.

fucking pissed

2005-11-03T06:18:00.000+08:00

Just when I got so angry in such a long time at Hubs, and wanted to blog my frustrations away, FUCKING Blogger dies on me. I keep trying to load the page and it just keeps saying "document contains no data". I don't think I can feel more pissed than this.

I've possibly thrown up the worst ever since my pregnancy ended, filling the loo to the brim with greenish liquid because I'd just enjoyed a Venti Green Tea Frappe prior to feeling nauseous. The bus ride has probably made it worse.

My feet felt so dead tired, due to what I don't know either, that I had to go to bed the moment I got home. I did no shopping, and I didn't walk long distances either, so I really have no idea what triggered the dead feet.

I woke up at 4.30am. Just woke up. Didn't get disturbed by anything. Moments after waking from my sweet slumber, I felt a craving for Kway Chap and gently roused Hubs from his sleep to let him know of my pending hunger. He said: "Aiyah, no car remote, go out now will wake the whole neighbourhood up." So being the nice wifey I aspire to be, I searched high and low for the car keys, retracing the things he did on Monday night before I went to the Halloween party.

We had gone out without the original car key with remote because he just couldn't find it anywhere. Even on Tuesday, he's tried to search the rooms that he was in, but no luck.

So after almost 20 minutes of searching all the places that his hand may have touched on Monday night, I found the key sitting under some bags on the upper shelf of the wardrobe. He was trying to help me find a bag to match my Halloween costume that day, and he must have left it there while searching. I happily walked to him with the key and waved it in front of him. His first reaction was to ask me where I found it. So I told him and then started on a mini naggy lecture about how he should retrace his steps properly and check every corner of the place he thinks it might.

Apparently he wasn't quite so ready for the incessant talking and he raised his voice at me. I got SO pissed, I went on further saying that if he hadn't been quite so forgetful and careless, he wouldn't even have lost it in the first place and I wouldn't have needed to help him find it.

I kicked the pillow which was lying at my feet and it landed straight on his face. He frowned hard at me, and I didn't care. I picked up my laptop and cigarettes and headed out to the balcony to start on this post.

I am so positively pissed that it's not funny at all. I haven't been so angry for quite some time already.

Recently he's been stressed up about this new ad campaign and I've been trying to be as accommodating as possible. I don't nag him for the little things which I usually do. I stay up with him til as late as 4am so that he can finish his work. He can't work properly without me, you see. If he was occupied with work, and I'm not there, he'll want to spend time with me, resulting in him not being able to concentrate. So I sit with him at McDonald's or wherever it is, trying hard not to get bored until it is time to go home.

Today for example, I took the bus to his office so that we could have dinner and then go home together. Usually, I would insist that he come pick me up from Orchard Rd while I idle my time away spending money at the shops. But now, with his work stress and the house on the way, I really didn't want to stress him up further.

As much as I can, I've changed the way I usually do things, like buying the drinks instead of him so he can sit down and rest. Do I get any Thank Yous from him? No. All I got was a bad attitude even though I was the one who helped him find the missing key.

Sometimes I start to wonder if he even notices my changes for him.

Then he comes out onto the balcony, saying monotonously: "You want to go out and eat? Don't want then I'm going to the office now."

Bloody hell. Apologise first, can? I am still fricking angry lor. You waltz up here and expect to just let everything drop and go eat with you? Fat hope.

Then started another lengthy self-explanation about how I've been nicer to him recently, and why I do it. Throw in a little lecturing about how he's been so distant from me because he's been so pre-occupied with work. I don't even feel close to him these days. But do I say anything? No. I try to be as supportive as possible with regards to work. I treat him good like a proper wife should. I stay up late with him and keep all my tantrums to myself. And nowadays, he can no longer say that because I sleep in late everyday, of course I can stay up and not get tired. I am working as well now. So we are even on terms of fatigue and stress.

*bares teeth* I'm just so angry at how I'm being treated. I almost feel like I'm being overlooked and taken for granted. He'd better be nice all day.

At the end of the day, we are still a normal squabbling couple like everyone else.

the 1st Halloween party

2005-11-01T04:45:00.000+08:00

I've never been to ANY Halloween parties. About 2 years ago, I was supposed to go partake in the ghoulish festivities with my maternal uncle with all of us cross-dressed. In the end he had to go overseas for a business trip. =(

Last year I was overtly caught up with my mum's passing away.

This year, I finally made it to one party. The one at Momo.

It's not fantastic, but Hubs and I thought it would be a good chance to check out the crowd and music since we've never been there before. The music's quite fine, but the crowd... No comments. =p

We actually intended to swing by Zouk, but when we got there slightly before 1am, it was FULL HOUSE. True that we don't like Zouk, but it seemed to have the most happening Halloween party and we wanted to check out the new decor. Too bad we didn't have a chance. So we ended up in Momo.

Not alot of people were in costumes, which was quite a dampener because we were hoping to see personas of all kinds. Instead all we saw were the repeated outfits of people with red horns, wings, the mask from "Scream" (the LAMEST costume EVER), and lots of people dressed as themselves.

I almost felt like walking up to each one of them who weren't dressed for the occassion and asking them what they were dressed as. Then I would be completely smart-assed and answer on their behalf.

"Oh. You're dressed as your usual ugly/fat (or any other degrading term that suits them) self."

It's quite bad, I know, given the fact that I'm not too hot myself either. But seriously, Momo isn't all that cool at all. The young punks and Ah Lians who cannot dance or dress to save their lives populate the place to a degrading extent. I did see Robin Leong there though. But if you don't know who he is, it's fine. He's not that famous anyway.

If you're wondering what Hubs and I dressed up as, pictures tomorrow because my mobile is charging now and I'm shagged out from the activities from today. But I don't think I took any photos of our bodies. It's humanely impossible to take full body shots of yourself lah, ok?

movies in real life

2005-10-29T07:52:00.000+08:00

I just caught Doom at 3.45am, and I loved it! It's not the usual kind of movie that girls would like, but as I grew up playing Doom, it was fantastic watching it as a movie. Certain elements didn't really make sense though (as usual, I always spot stuff like that) but on the whole it was FAB!

Life is just the movies sometimes. Although we all know that the plots used are usually inspired from real life. And as a child, I always wished for my life to be like what I see on screen. All the romance, all the love, and all the climatic scenes. Kissing in the rain is one of them. Or making out in the car when it's pouring outside. And how most things end happily ever after. But in life there are always low parts that we all hate. Yet it happens, nonetheless. That's life.

Maybe sometimes, life would be better if it was just stagnant. No ups, no downs.

Here's wishing luck and logic to those who need it at this point in life. Emotions can sometimes cause our downfall, but that's what makes us different from animals. However, if you can put aside your feelings and do what needs to be done, solutions seem so much easier.

* 20 random facts about me *

2005-10-28T00:25:00.000+08:00

Tagged by Valerie, so here goes:

I adore clove cigarettes. Sampoernas menthol, Winner, Djarum..
My favourite ice-cream is Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie.
I've been smoking since I was 17.
My favourite tops are usually low neckline ones.
I love dancing.
I used to play alot of basketball.
I am terrified of house lizards. Garden lizards are fine.
I've eaten water cockroaches before. And, boy, they are tasty lightly sauteed!
I used to want to have Britney Spears' figure.
I want to have bigger boobs.
I love cats.
I drink green tea like plain water.
I love broad strong shoulders on a man.
Potato chips are not my favourite snack. I don't have a favourite snack.
I prefer beer and Moet Chandon to other alcoholic drinks.
I am a nymphomaniac.
I prefer wearing sleeveless tops to sleeved.
I feel super sexy everytime I wear heels.
I hate working. Period.
Rainy weather makes me horny.

So there. All there. Although I think some of them are quite repetitive.